First runner-up gets the tacky but estimable Style Invitational Loser Pen. Other runners-up receive the coveted Style Invitational Loser T-shirt. Honorable Mentions get the mildly sought-after Style Invitational bumper sticker. Winners will be selected on the basis of humor and originality. Mail your entries to The Style Invitational, Week 266, c/o The Washington Post, 1150 15th St. NW, Washington, D.C. 20071, fax them to 202-334-4312 or submit them via Internet to this address: email@example.com. Internet users: Please indicate the week number in the "subject" field. Entries must be received on or before Monday, April 27. Please include your address and phone number. Winners will be announced three weeks from today. Editors reserve the right to alter entries for taste, humor or appropriateness. No purchase necessary. Today's Abrv No One Ntcs was written by Russ Beland of Springfield. Employees of the Washington Post and members of their immediate families are not eligible for prizes.
Report from Week 264,
Fifth Runner-Up -- Answer: Leonardo DiCaprio's dental hygienist.
Fourth Runner-Up -- Answer: Sunshine, lollipops and cancer.
Third Runner up -- Answer: 1. Elvis. 2. Toto. 3. Socrates.
Second Runner up -- Answer: The Farrakhan Express Card.
First Runner-Up -- Bad name for a new city:
Who is buried in Dorcas McFutz's tomb?
Who is the new McDonaldland character who keeps spilling hot coffee on herself?
What CBS rip-off of "Ally McBeal" is unlikely to attract the same young, hip viewers?
Long, long ago, in a galaxy far, far away, who blew an entire planet to smithereens?
Who is the mortal enemy of Princess Linda?
What infamous evil character has Vernon Jordan's voice?
Name two people who are the mother of all mothers.
What has replaced "fashion designer" and "marine biologist" as the number one occupational fantasy among 14-year-old girls?
Who sends Leonardo DiCaprio a big bag of Oreo cookies right before his semiannual cleaning appointment?
What keeps getting bigger and fatter every year but doesn't really taste any better?
What goes well with a cpu of coffee?
What product did the Justice Department enjoin from sale because it "enforced the simultaneous purchase of a potentially unwanted accessory item, to wit, the so-called 'hole' "?
What snack food can shut down your entire system for a week?
What sells well even though it's known to be full of bugs?
What tastes just like a 10-year-old apple?
What Microsoft product would leave a better taste in your mouth if it, instead of Internet Explorer Web browser, were jammed down your throat?
What bank card charges an APR derived from the number of letters in the month, multiplied by the number of years since the death of Marcus Garvey and divided by the number of Jews in Hollywood?
What would be accepted everywhere were it not for the diabolical international Masonic-Zionist conspiracy?
What is the tiny birthmark found on Al Gore's back next to his battery compartment and on-off switch?
Name a book that ends with a lot of sheep and cattle bringing a man a lot of happiness.
According to Bill Ginsburg, what did Monica buy at Kramerbooks?
What is announcer shorthand for a hard grounder scooped up by the shortstop, whipped to second for the force, and finally described as a spatiotemporal continuant, an existent without spatial parts but not without attributes?
What is probably a better double-play combination than Einstein to Euclid to Gehrig?
What were the last words heard by victims of Porky the Ripper?
What did President Clinton say when he heard the Paula Jones lawsuit had been dismissed? (Jose Cortina, Centreville)
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