She smiled at a sorrowful stranger.
The smile seemed to make him feel better.
He remembered past kindnesses of a friend
The friend was so pleased with the thank you,
That she left a large tip after lunch.
The waitress, surprised by the size of the tip,
Bet the whole thing on a hunch.
And gave part to a man on the street.
The man on the street was grateful;
For two days he'd had nothing to eat.
He left for his small dingy room.
He didn't know at that moment
That he might be facing his doom.
On the way he picked up a shivering puppy
And took him home to get warm.
The puppy was very grateful
To be in out of the storm.
The puppy barked the alarm.
He barked till he woke the whole household
And saved everybody from harm.
One of the boys that he rescued
Grew up to be President.
All this because of a simple smile
That hadn't cost a cent.
First runner-up gets the tacky but estimable Style Invitational Loser Pen. Other runners-up receive the coveted Style Invitational Loser T-Shirt. Honorable Mentions get the mildly sought-after Style Invitational bumper sticker. Winners will be selected on the basis of humor and originality. Mail your entries to the Style Invitational, Week 279, c/o The Washington Post, 1150 15th St. NW, Washington, D.C. 20071; fax them to 202-334-4312; or submit them via Internet to this address: firstname.lastname@example.org. Internet users: Please indicate the week number in the "subject" field. Also, please do not append "attachments," which tend not to be read. Entries must be received on or before Monday, July 27. Important: Please include your postal address and phone number. Winners will be announced three weeks from today. Editors reserve the right to alter entries for taste, humor or appropriateness. No purchase necessary. Today's Sign No One Heeds was written by Jonathan Paul of Garrett Park. Employees of The Washington Post and members of their immediate families are not eligible for prizes.
Report from Week 276,
One other piece of unfinished business:
What is the difference between Satan and Sigmund Freud's mother? Sigmund Freud's mother is responsible for more anguish and suffering.
What is the difference between the Washington Mystics and William Ginsburg, Esq.? At least the Mystics get to the court before they lose.
What's the difference between a 1958 VW Bug and a 1998 VW Bug? You can boink fatter chicks in the 1998 Bug.
What is the difference between the human navel and the Washington Mystics? The navel has more depth.
What is the difference between Cal's streak and Sigmund Freud's mother? During his streak, Cal has never complained about all his sacrifices.
What is the difference between the human navel and the 1998 VW bug? The human navel has slightly more storage space.
What is the difference between Satan and the human navel? One was conspicuously absent in the Garden of Eden.
What is the difference between the human navel and Sigmund Freud's mother? It depends. Is the navel a paradigm for attachment? Or an archetype for separation angst? This bears more intense scrutiny.
What is the difference between Satan and Stephen Glass's reputation? In the case of Stephen Glass, only his pants are on fire.
What is the difference between a 1958 VW Bug and Satan? If Satan delivered your pizza, it might actually be warm.
What is the difference between 1-800-HER-LOVE and William Ginsburg, Esq.? With 1-800-HER-LOVE you think ring finger. With William Ginsburg, you think middle finger.
What is the difference between the Washington Mystics and William Ginsburg, Esq.? The Mystics know their defense is terrible.
What is the difference between a chicken and William Ginsburg, Esq.? Ginsburg requires less jerk sauce.
What is the difference between the human navel and William Ginsburg, Esq.? The navel is full of only lint.
What is the difference between a 1958 VW Bug and that not-so-fresh feeling? A 1958 VW Bug produces more cramping.
What is the difference between the yen and the Washington Mystics? The yen can rebound.
Next Week: Life In The Blurbs
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