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  The Style Invitational
Week 301: Picture This

By Bob Staake for The Washington Post

What is happening in these cartoons? Choose one or more. First-prize winner gets "My Town," by William Wegman. It is a handsome new book of photographs that tells a cheerful, uplifting narrative about a high school student named Chip. Chip is a dog. In fact, the book is composed entirely of photographs of Wegman's weimaraners, with dialogue balloons superimposed. From an artistic standpoint, this book seems to be making the statement that even fine artists will sometimes sell out as thoroughly as plywood in a hurricane.

First runner-up gets the tacky but estimable Style Invitational Loser Pen. Other runners-up receive the coveted Style Invitational Loser T-shirt. Honorable Mentions get the mildly sought-after Style Invitational bumper sticker. Winners will be selected on the basis of humor and originality. Mail your entries to the Style Invitational, Week 301, c/o The Washington Post, 1150 15th St. NW, Washington, D.C. 20071; fax them to 202-334-4312; or submit them via Internet to this address: Internet users: Please indicate the week number in the "subject" field. Also, please do not append "attachments," which tend not to be read. Entries must be received on or before Monday, June 8. Important: Please include your postal address and phone number. Winners will be announced three weeks from today. Editors reserve the right to alter entries for taste, humor or appropriateness. No purchase necessary. Today's Thing No One Thinks About was written by David Genser of Arlington. Employees of The Washington Post and members of their immediate families are not eligible for prizes.

Report from Week 298, in which you were asked to construct sentences or passages by using only your right typing hand. There was a strange recurrence of theme. We attribute it to the evil gods of the keyboard, the same perverse individuals who gave us the Num Lock key.

  • Third Runner-Up:

    Joni & Jimi:Hi & lo.Pholky & phunky.Milk & Yoo Hoo.

    (Ralph Scott, Washington)

  • Second Runner-Up:

    PIN? "8990." No. "Oh, um, 9890?" No. "9980?" No. "Uh oh ..."(Jean Sorensen, Herndon)

  • First Runner-Up:

    Hip-hop = junk, in my opinion. Punk & pop oil MY pump. (Steve Smith, Ellicott City)

  • And the winner of the talking Christmas wreath:

    Populi: Lyin' pol, jumpin' plump nymph. Pol: You imply I'm loopholin'? Look – no loin link, no union. Populi: Hmmmph. Only ploy. Poo on you. Pol: No humpin', no lyin'.

    (Barbara Collier, Garrett Park)

  • Honorable Mentions:

    Mommy, look. Pop jump up, pump pill in hoop. (Tony Alleyne, Fort Washington)

    Yoko Ono & no John L. = No polyphony,only plink, plink, plink.

    (Dudley Thompson, Silver Spring)

    Noon in Ohio: Phony Phil, Punkin Polly, Jumpin Jimmy, Killjoy Kim, Hippy Holly, Jolly John & Molly (in mink) hook up & join in pupil opinion poll on Monopoly.

    (Linda B. Jones, Bowie)

    Lipo: Lookin' lumpy. Nip my hip, plump my lip. (Barbara Collier, Garrett Park; Joyce and Alli Rains, Bethesda)

    Loophol&. (Patrick Wright, Arlington)

    No nooky, pop? Loin puny, limp? Pop yon pill. (George Wright, Greenbelt; Dave Zarrow, Herndon)

    Jiminy, no joy in pukin' uphill. (Sandra Hull, Arlington)

    7-ll = milk & junk. (Mike Genz, La Plata)

    Lollipop lollipop, oh lolli-lollipop.

    Lollipop lollipop, oh lolli-lollipop.

    Lollipop lollipop, oh lolli-lollipop.


    (Dave Ferry, Leesburg;

    William M. Powell, Arlington)

    John L. & Yoko Ono

    Mop-hunk & hippy punk,

    Hummin' "No. 9, No. 9 ommm" in limo.

    (Ralph Scott, Washington)

    "Oh Jimmy ... ohhhh ... ooooohhhhh. ... Ooooooooohhhhhh Jimmmmmmmmmyyyyy....."

    "Uh, I'm Phil."

    (Andrew M. Cohn, Springfield)

    Phony? Moi?

    (Ralph Scott, Washington;

    Jonathan Paul, Garrett Park)

    Polyp in poop loop'll kill you.

    (Sandra Hull, Arlington)

    Mmmmm. Yummy HOHO. Uh-oh, no milk? Only Yoo Hoo? Yukko.

    (Jean Sorensen, Herndon)

    I'm on my "non-mommy" pill.

    (Don Cooper, Burke)

    I'm O.J. I loom. I kill.

    (Tom Witte, Gaithersburg)

    Pull my pinky. "Poo."

    (Sandra Hull, Arlington)

    Ho' = Nympho in nylon, pump, mink.

    (Dudley Thompson, Silver Spring)

    pi = 90 - 87 + .9 - .8 + .09 - .07 ...

    (Lee Mayer and Paul Laporte, Washington)

    I h8 my m8 K8.

    I kill K8*

    I'm inm8.

    *pill in milk.

    (Michael J. Hammer, Arlington)I HATE THIS(John Kammer, Herndon)

    My mink ploy: I'll boink.

    (Bob Dalton, Beaumont, Tex.)

    I mull my "inny." Ommmmm ...

    (David Genser, Arlington)

    "Hi. You look yummy."

    "Ooooh, John."

    "No, Jim."

    "No, John. Look, my pimp."


    (David Genser, Arlington)

  • And Last:

    Did you realize you could re-configure your computer keyboard temporarily so that all the letters required for virtually any message are on the right side?

    (John Kammer, Herndon)

    Next Week: Another Leftist Rag

    © Copyright 1998 The Washington Post Company

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