‘Bird on a Wire’ By Hal Hinson Washington Post Staff Writer May 18, 1990

Director: John Badham Cast: Mel Gibson; Goldie Hawn; David Carradine; Bill Duke; Joan Severance Children under 13 should be accompanied by a parent Compare prices for this movie Find local video stores More movie shopping Save money with NextCard Visa

Cut from the same bolt of cloth as "Romancing the Stone" (though not nearly in the same class), "Bird on a Wire" lords its star power over us; it thinks the sheer cumulative adorableness of the principals will win us over and make up for its multitude of sins.

It should think again.

There is nothing to this John Badham movie except the spectacle of determined stars turning the brilliance of their personalities on us. That and chases -- car chases, motorcycle chases, airplane and helicopter chases.

What happens onscreen in "Bird" may not earn it a lasting and prestigious spot in movie history, but it may go down as something of a first. In the past, there have been buddy movies in which the buddies get to sleep together. And there have been buddy movies in which the buddies have even fallen in love (no, not "Lethal Weapon"). But never, until now, has there been a buddy movie in which the most important issue at hand is which star has the more adorable butt. An elaborate exercise in star vanity, the film presents its scenes as if each one were the movie equivalent of a photo opportunity. Nearly every moment is designed to show off either Hawn's tawny girlish physique and vivacious flaxen mane or Gibson's ponytail and well-sculpted abdominals.

Badham and his cinematographer Robert Primes have dispensed with such things as dramatic logic, lucidity, even coherence, and they care equally little about whether the camera is well placed to record the film's interminable action scenes. The storyline is negligible. Fifteen years ago, Rick Jarmin (Mel Gibson) got himself involved in a scrambled-up drug deal on the Mexican border, ended up busted, and in exchange for immunity, testified against the men who ran the operation. Since then, Jarmin has lived an improvised life under the watchful though somewhat unreliable eye of the FBI's Witness Protection program, never putting down roots, discarding identities and picking up new ones every few years.

As the movie opens, Jarmin's worst fears are about to come true. Sorenson, one of the drug ringleaders (played by David Carradine), finishes up his prison term and, joining his old partner Diggs (Bill Duke), heads out to close the books on Jarmin. At about the same time, Marianne (Goldie Hawn), a big-time corporate lawyer on the verge of closing a big deal with the Japanese, pulls her rental car into the gas station in Detroit where Jarmin works and thinks she recognizes him. She's right. The man who services her car is the same man she was engaged to years back; a man she thought was dead. When she returns to the station to confirm her suspicions, Sorenson and Diggs have begun their visit. When she intercedes, the chases begin.

When they stop, the movie stops.

There's some rather vague talk about '60s values, which is the screenwriter's feeble attempt to give the characters' relationship some specificity. And in lieu of actual characters with real emotional lives, the actors are given bits of darling character business to play. What this amounts to mostly is that Marianne mumbles incomprehensibly whenever she's mad. And that Jarmin refers to a certain part of his anatomy as "Mr. Wiggly" -- a part that he claims has lain dormant for five years.

The filmmakers are so fond of this last bit of invention that they actually build it into the movie's climax. In the last scene, the happy couple are taking the sailing trip they promised themselves when they were in the thick of their adventure. And just at the crucial romantic moment, Gibson runs up a sail with "Mr. Wiggly" emblazoned across it. If the movie had actually unfurled Mr. Wiggly, it at least might have been direct about what was implied subliminally behind every scene. As it is, the movie's nothing but a tease. Behind the star's zipper is a smile button.

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