‘One Good Cop’ (R)

In Heywood Gould's "One Good Cop," Michael Keaton gets to do the buddy cop thing and the "Mr. Mom" thing too -- both for the price of one. It's "Officer Mom," and it's just about the most shamelessly maudlin load of horse hockey to hit the trail so far this year. It arrives not with a bang but with a resounding plop.

The picture presents Keaton in the role of a police detective named Artie whose best friend is killed in action and who's left as the legal guardian of his downed partner's three adorable preteen daughters. Basically he's Alan Alda in a shoulder holster, knocking off evil drug dealers and, after a long shift as the man, coming home to read beddy-bye stories and express his anima.

See, he and his better half (model-actress Rene Russo) can't have kiddies of their own, so they struggle to hang on to the girls, even though they don't have the money or, according to social services, the proper living quarters for them. What they need is a real house, and the one Keaton finds is perfect. Problem is, he needs 25 grand for the down payment, 25 grand he doesn't have.

But Beniamino (Tony Plana), the local drug tyrant, has that much and more, plus he's evil and kinda short and, anyway, it's for the kids, isn't it? So Artie slips on a ski mask and snatches the dope king's mountain of cash, keeping for himself only the amount he needs to buy his house and giving the rest to a local children's shelter. Talk about your end justifying your means.

Keaton is a resonant, engaging actor, and he has a few nifty comic moments here, but this is far too much bad medicine for us to swallow in one mouthful. You could hold your nose, but my guess is it wouldn't help.

"One Good Cop" is rated R and contains adult language, violence and references to drug use.