‘Rikyu’ (NR)

Whether you take it with one lump or two, "Rikyu" could very well be the dullest film ever made. It is all about the Zen of tea, a subject steeped in Japanese tradition. And all I can say is, not in my cup you don't.

Set in the late 1500s, the movie concerns the disparate world views of a crass ruler, Hideyoshi (Tsutomu Yamazaki), and the culturally refined tea master, Rikyu (Rentaro Mikuni). Hideyoshi, a peasant warrior who became the most powerful man in Japan, has been studying the tea ceremony for five years when our struggle begins. Another five years seem to pass while the two dispute the Way of Tea. Not only do you have to know how to stir, sip and sniff correctly, you must get to know your beverage.

The antagonists, both renowned historical figures, lived during a turbulent period in Japan's history, but the action takes place solely at court. The battle rages as Hideyoshi unites the warring provinces, but director Hiroshi Teshigahara is interested only in what's brewing on the home front. And that, of course, is tea and more tea.

Hideyoshi learns all the right ways to pour and mix and so forth, but finally he just can't be one with tea. Rikyu disagrees with his plan to invade China -- though you would think they could use the extra cups -- and, well, tragedy stalks the teahouse.

The director is the grand master of the Sogetsu International School of Flower Arranging, and "Rikyu" is exactly what you might expect of a florist. It's beautifully designed, terribly fragile and just sits there waiting to be admired. All is serenity on the surface. Drama is a matter of infinitely subtle gestures. If you are a tea drinker, the film perhaps merits one pinkie up.

But otherwise I am afraid you will be sitting there slapping yourself awake, wishing, wishing, wishing that the Japanese had invented Mr. Coffee.

"Rikyu" is unrated and is in Japanese with subtitles.