‘Watch It’ (R)

The characters in "Watch It," a study of male-female dynamics among a clique of young Chicago professionals, are among the most obnoxious to come to the screen in ages. They're all mixed up, you see, confused about what to do with the opposite sex, and so they behave badly, playing with each other's feelings as if they engaged in some child's game.

In fact, a game -- called Watch It -- gives the film its center. The game is played primarily by the men in the film, all of whom are old friends living together in a group house that functions alternately as brothel and playpen. It began in college, and has grown increasingly elaborate over the years. For example, when John (Peter Gallagher) arrives to spend some time with his estranged first cousin, Michael (Jon Tenney), he's shoved unceremoniously and without explanation into the refrigerator. He's told to pop out when the door is opened by Michael's roommate Rick (John C. McGinley), screaming "Watch it!"

It's a tedious device, and unfortunately it's repeated frequently throughout the film, the point being that these guys just haven't grown up yet and are still playing at life instead of living it. They're boys still, and pigs to boot, using women unapologetically as trophies of conquest and to provide material for their morning rap sessions where they reveal the gory details of their campaigns and seductions.

If these guys are jerks (and, quite intentionally, they are), they are proud of it. As Rick explains, it's part of their philosophy because, secretly, women are attracted to jerks. They don't like nice, safe guys like John, who has come to Chicago only to make peace with Michael (who holds a grudge against John because of a childhood misunderstanding). Women want to be treated badly, Rick explains, and so they are only too happy to play along. To these guys, love is just another game, like Watch It.

There's a reason director Tom Flynn has put these unlikable types on display. Through them, we're supposed to learn something about how men see women, how they float through life, playing at their relationships, and, conversely, how the women play along, even though it seems to go against their best interests.

His point is that both sexes make this game possible. And, to take it further, that women -- like Suzy Amis's Anne, an animal doctor who can't decide if she's in love with John or Michael -- are guilty, at the very least, of complicity in maintaining this immature state of affairs.

As a result, there's really nobody to pull for. Ostensibly, Gallagher's John is the only truly decent person in the bunch. But for all his honorable intentions he manages to get dumped on by everyone. Soon after his arrival, John falls madly in love with Anne, who has just recently broken up with Michael, and the two begin a whirlwind courtship. Big deal, says Michael, who, though he pretends not to be affected, promptly begins a campaign to win her back. These Don Juans play for keeps, and part of what makes the film such a drag is that the characters -- the men in particular -- seem to be completely without scruples or conscience.

The main problem is that we'd like to run the whole bunch over a cliff. And even if John manages to turn the tables on his roommates and best them at their own game, there's slim satisfaction in seeing him sink to their level. Certainly, there's no joy in seeing Rick reformed. (He marries Ellen, who, as Cynthia Stevenson plays her, seems to have a good head on her shoulders.) And even the final happy resolution of the tangled triangle among Michael, John and Anne is as phony as it is unsatisfying.

In the end, everyone is supposed to have settled all the old scores. They've grown up, but it's hard to see how much has changed. Perhaps Flynn, who functions here as both writer and director, would have us take comfort in small triumphs. But in "Watch It," these shallow singles become only marginally less shallow, and that is hardly reason for celebration.

"Watch It" is rated R for language and adult situations.