‘When a Man Loves a Woman’ (R)

If Nick Charles tipped tea many martoonies, well, so did Nora. Accepted as happily married cut-ups in 1934, today the Charleses would be seen as sicko co-dependents like Alice and Michael Green in "When a Man Loves a Woman." Portrayed by Meg Ryan and Andy Garcia, the Greens are having a high old time when the film begins, but their lives together are about to turn into a rosy melodrama about overcoming their dysfunctional marriage.

Michael, a dashing pilot, dotes on his pretty wife and their adorable little daughters (Tina Majorino and Mae Whitman) when he's in town and on the ground. A caring, sharing, loving family, the Greens have chosen to ignore Mommy's increasingly obvious drinking problem. When she gets drunk on their wedding anniversary and eggs an annoying neighbor's car, Alice becomes irresistible to the more reserved Michael. The next morning, he wakes her with a kiss and coffee, thereby revealing himself to be The Enabler.

Evidence of Alice's alcoholism mounts, but she and Michael don't face up to her need for treatment until after two life-threatening accidents. This leads to detoxification, recovery, homecoming, recriminations, couples therapy, Al-Anon and AA meetings and so on. Eventually Michael and Alice form a new bond, they regain the children's trust, and a new sitcom family forms from the ruins of dysfunctionalism.

Basically, what we have here is an inane TV disease movie-of-the-week with superstars and fancy production values. The film, which is every bit as pretty as the actors, never becomes bigger-than-life in any true sense. Written by Ronald Bass and Al Franken, the screenplay relentlessly details the minutiae of Alice's illness, which prevents a deeper examination of her crisis. ("Clean and Sober" offered a more dramatic look at the process, but then, nobody went to see it.)

This may account for the oddly wholesome tone of this film. It's like Alice was addicted to milk, for heaven's sake. Director Luis Mandoki must have employed a full stable of chambermaids to keep the sets spic and span -- except when Mommy's away and Daddy can't keep up with the small fry. This is not to say that alcoholics don't dust the furniture, but that the spruceness of the mis en scene, the prettiness of the Greens' pricey San Francisco gingerbread house, even the manicured lawns at the detox center, undercut the actors' credible performances.

"When a Man Loves a Woman" is like eating bran. It's probably good for us, but I'd still rather see "The Thin Man."

"When a Man Loves a Woman" is rated R for adult subject matter.