Thank you for visiting "The Navigator – Live." Today's chat ended at 3 p.m. EST.

My guest today was Katharine de Baun, editor and co-founder of Moms Online, a Web site for mothers. She answered questions about the ways in which her site deals with the triumphs and tragedies of motherhood.

"The Navigator – Live" appears each Thursday from 2 p.m. to 3 p.m. Eastern time. It's a live, moderated discussion offering washingtonpost.com users the chance to talk directly to intriguing and sometimes unusual guests who are shaping the digital world. "The Navigator" appears in The Washington Post print edition every Thursday. You can read past columns by following this link.

Linton Weeks: Hello, everyone. Especially you, Katharine. Welcome. Let's get right to the questions.

Linton Weeks: What exactly is Moms Online?

Katharine de Baun: What exactly is Moms Online?

Moms Online is a forum on both AOL (KW: Moms Online) and the web (www.momsonline.com) that is by Moms for Moms. It's a virtual backfence community of mothers working collaboratively to create a friendly site for Moms in cyberspace. We provide resources, information, humor, 24-hour-a-day discussions and debate on being a Mom, raising children, and also, stuff that goes beyond "Mom-hood" to address a range of women's issues in general. There's not much that Moms DON'T care passionately about so we try to grow with the needs of our community.

Linton Weeks: Tell us about yourself. And your family.

Katharine de Baun: First and foremost, I'm a Mom to Alex (4) and Beyla (1). I'm married to a wonderful man named Russ who is currently a Dad-at-home but will be starting work as a psychiatrist in July. And aside from that, my biggest claim to fame is that I'm co-founder of Moms Online! If it wasn't for MO, I'd probably be an all-but-dissertation Comparative Literature graduate student running an espresso stand in Seattle (where I lived up until last December). I currently live in New Jersey.

Linton Weeks: How did you get the idea to start it?

Katharine de Baun: From the very beginning, Moms Online was a long shot. I was a part-time community college teacher who stopped working just before giving birth to her first child. One afternoon, while my baby Alex was napping, I was feeling lonely and isolated. Out of boredom, I turned on AOL to see if I had any mail. "Hey," I thought, "I bet they have a Mom's Club on here! Wouldn't that be great?"

When I typed in Keyword: Mom, however, I was disappointed. Nothing. Maybe I had the wrong search word? I tried mother, maternity, motherhood. Nothing! I was shocked. There must be something!

Out of my personal disappointment that afternoon came the idea for Moms Online. Over the next year, some pretty amazing pieces came together. My brother Rob knew about the AOL Greenhouse and added his business expertise to my enthusiastic content proposal.

AOL liked the proposal and asked us to fly out to their headquarters in Virginia and give a sales pitch. The sales pitch went well (it was my first full day away from Alex and halfway through the presentation I had a serious letdown reflex -- luckily the room was dimly lit and nobody noticed the milk stains on my suit!

AOL invited Rob and me out for a second meeting, a screen test, where they raked over every single detail and still didn't give us the go ahead. Then, finally, after months of waiting and biting our fingernails, AOL decided to give us the seed funding. We ran out, rented an office, hired three people, bought computers, and were very, very busy!

Because we were a small grassroots company on a shoestring budget, the odds against us were gigantic. But from the day we launched in February, 1996, we could feel that we were onto something big. The mothers who came through our area were raving about it. And even better: they made Moms Online so much richer than before!

Before we knew it, MO Chat had a life of its own, with incredible Moms knocking on our door every day wanting to host. Mothers who loved to write found us as well, contributing their essays, hot tips, messages, and reviews. We began with a series of forms and images hanging somewhere in a rather obscure wing of AOL, and we ended up with a community --one of the strongest on AOL.

We've won the prestigious AOL Member's Choice award three quarters running, and created an exciting Mom-centric Web site at www.momsonline.com. Our success to date is a tribute not only to our dedicated and talented staff, but to over 130 remote Chat and Message Board hosts, hundreds of writers in Ma'Zine and Reviews, ingenious maternal inventors of Hot Tips, and hundreds of thousands of message board posters, chatters, and readers who buzz through our hallways every day and make this community the dynamic, nurturing, and inspiring place that it is. Viva Moms Online!

In the summer of 1997, Moms Online launched its Web site at www.momsonline.com , whose growth and strong community has garnered praise from both the public and the press. The site has been recognized with several awards, including a 1997 PointCast Viewer's Choice Award in and Finalist in the prestigious Global Information Infrastructure (GII) Awards, Community Category. Moms Online has been called a "cutting-edge online community" and "one of the most interactive parenting sites out there" by the USA Today and the L.A. Times, and one member simply writes, "Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!"

Linton Weeks: Are you still running into people who are using the Internet for the first time? How does Moms Online deal with the first-time user?

Katharine de Baun: Yes, constantly. On AOL we have a great system -- when a new member shows up in a chat or on the boards, she's sent a welcome letter which tells them exactly how to jump in and get involved. We publish weekly cyber tips, have chats and "treasure hunts" for new members, and encourage people to enter a "Who's Who" profile so they can start networking. On the web it's harder to coordinate this because we don't have a site-wide registration system set up yet -- but that's coming! Our chat and board hosts, however, are constantly interacting with new users on the web and helping them gain confidence and skill, as well as figuring out emoticons what ROFL and DH and ITA mean.

Linton Weeks: What sort of criticisms of your site have you received?

Katharine de Baun: Whenever there's a technical slow down or snafu, we hear about it! Members really come to rely on the community and can get very angry when it's not on tap as usual. Also, we really host and monitor our message boards more than some other forums do, to make sure that Moms Online is a family-friendly place even though it's for Moms and not kids. Most people appreciate that they can come here without seeing a lot of vulgarity or personal attack going on, but the downside is that some members hate having their posts monitored.

Linton Weeks: Katharine, the lives of young people are at risk-- in the Balkans, in school shootings, on the streets and in the homes of this country. What does Moms Online offer parents who are trying to deal with these dangers and others?

Katharine de Baun: As soon as the Littleton shootings hit the news, we provided a "flash folder" for our members to discuss it right away. It's received tremendous response -- people really needed to communicate and vent and share their feelings right away. Also, since our community is national, we had members and one staff member who lived near or in Littleton -- so we all felt personally connected.

Linton Weeks: How much time does it take for you to oversee the site?

Katharine de Baun: Well, I don't oversee the site by myself and never did! It's ironic because when I started Moms Online I imagined it would be the perfect part-time job for a stay-at-home Mom. It was bigger than that from the beginning -- when we first got seed $ from AOL. We had to hire staff, open an office...and now we have a staff of over 25, a completely remote staff too! We also have over 150 volunteers across the country.

Linton Weeks: Do you make money from your site? Do you hope to?

Katharine de Baun: Our site was never profitable and we always ran in the red -- up until the last six months, when we were purchased by Oxygen Media Inc. Now we ARE profitable -- our advertising inventory is all sold out and selling at a much better rate than in the past.

Washington, DC: Who owns Moms Online? Do you sell advertising? Is it a money-making venture?

Katharine de Baun: Answered this partly in last question, but yes, we are now part of Oxygen Media Inc, we do sell advertising on our site (banners), and it is a money-making venture.

Virginia: What if I have a real crisis with my children? Can I turn to Moms Online?

Katharine de Baun: Yes, it would be a great place to turn to -- unless the crisis was an immediate and life-threatening one of course -- then you should dial 911! But Moms Online is an excellent place to go because some of the best support you can get is from other Moms who have "been there done that" and maybe come up with some creative ideas born of experience.

Washington, DC: Which parts of your Web site are the most popular?

Katharine de Baun: The message boards are by far the most popular! Community is our strength and we are a very stick site attracting a loyal audience. In terms of content, the column I write, The Daily Alexander, is pretty popular -- also our food area is well trafficked (We have a "Daily Dish"). The Baby Namer does quite a bit of useage as well.

D.C.: My 7 yr. old daughter usually knows my tolerance limits on bad behaviour when she is with us, her immediate family. However, when she is with her
friends, she enjoys "acting up" or "showing off", knowing that I would not tell her off in front of her friends. Can you suggest a way for me to discipline her when her friends are around without embarassing her ?
Thanks.

Katharine de Baun: This is a very typical problem that I've experienced myself and heard a lot about on the message boards in Moms Online! The best advice I've heard from other Moms is to take your child quietly aside and discuss -- not embarrass them with scoldings in front of everyone. And if your child still acts out, then you can choose to 1) leave or 2) if possible, draw them aside for a "time out." Now if only I could implement this good advice myself every time! It's hard when you're sweating out there in public...

Frederick, Maryland: Hello, Katharine,
Congratulations on the success of your enterprise. I must confess I haven't checked it out but will definitely do so. What is your position on stay-at-home parents v. day care?
Thank you!

Katharine de Baun: Do you mean what's best for kids? This is a hotly debated issue on Moms Online in our "To Work or Not To Work" folder. I really think that the most important thing is not to attack each other but for all Moms to support each other and realize that the most important thing for children is that they feel loved and are genuinely taken care of. I think there are many different ways to do that -- and much of it depends on the whole family structure and what Mom wants herself. I know it can be hard for Moms to work out the right balance/solution -- I struggle with this all the time myself as a working Mom (and I know that ALL Moms work!)

Washington: Is it possible to smoothly transition a five month old baby from the parents bed to the crib without tormenting him?

Katharine de Baun: Yes, it is possible -- but I don't think anyone -- not even a famous expert! -- can guarantee it. Much depends upon the individual child's temperament, Mom-and-Dad's bedtime needs and feelings, how the process is handled. The best way (I think) is to decide for sure what the goal is, and then be firm but also flexible about the way there.

Linton Weeks: Ernest Hemingway--writer, hunter, father of three boys--said something like, Time is the thing we have the least of. Many parents feel overextended. How does Moms Online save time for parents? Isn't it just another distraction?

Katharine de Baun: This is a great question -- it's true that many of the Moms who spend the most time on Moms Online happen also to be women who, for whatever reason, HAVE more time. It can be intimidating sometimes for someone who just wants a quick answer or advice and who doesn't have a lot of time -- "Do I have to get as involved as these other Moms seem to?" The answer is No! And we try to make the site appeal to both types of users. We have lots of quick-and-ready advice and resources, from Hot Tips to Daily Dish. Also, we're planning a new area just for working Moms that will have lots of resources dealing with time pressure and organization.

Linton Weeks: Tell us about your mother. And her mother.

Katharine de Baun: Interesting question...my mother died the very summer that Moms Online was born, after she struggled for 17 years with breast cancer. She was such a great Mom to my brother Rob (he's a co-founder of the company with me and currently its Executive Producer!) and I -- in many ways a single Mom. She always put us first and we were the center of her life in many ways. And her Mom? She was great, married in late 30s to an Air Force Colonel, and raised 3 kids through WW2 and lots of moving via military. She was born into lots of money but had lost most of it by the time she was middle-aged, so she was able to see life and empathize at a lot of different "levels" of society.

Bethesda, MD: What if a mother doesn't want to use the computer or keep up with the latest technologies?

Katharine de Baun: Hmmm, that's perfectly fine! The only problem might be if her children were very involved and she felt that her ignorance was hurting her.

Linton Weeks: All right, folks. We're a little more than halfway through the hour. I'll take a sip of decaf--with a little cream. You keep those great questions coming.

Linton Weeks: How has motherhood changed in the past 25 years?

Katharine de Baun: This is a tough question to answer as I'm not a historian, but I'll do my best...I think that one of the biggest changes is that Moms today have so many more choices, which is great, but in many ways the society and institutions surrounding them haven't quite "caught up" yet. Many if not most families are two-parent-working families, but quality daycare is such a difficult issue and can be very hard to find -- not to mention affordability -- and what happens is that individual Moms and families have to absorb a lot of angst and difficulty because the institutions/surrounding culture isn't there to support them.

Hopefully this will change -- it's a very exciting time but a tough one. Another change is that parents today are so overextended, and I think again that goes back to their not being supported enough in what they do. One of the reasons I wanted to start Moms Online is because I felt that the work of mothering was very undervalued in our culture. And I know that we're all worried about our kids (though I think the media coverage is often too negative) -- and one of the best ways to support kids is to support their parents!! Sorry, got off on a soapbox tangent here.

Linton Weeks: Through Moms Online, I imagine that you are able to keep tabs on the trials and triumphs of many mothers. What are the greatest problems that mothers face these days? What are their fears?

Katharine de Baun: There are a lot of what I might lump together as "new millenium" fears, i.e. What kind of world is my child growing up in today? What kind of ecosystem will they inherit? What kinds of schools will they attend -- will they be filled with armed guards? Especially given the recent events in LIttleton and Arkansas, I think that most Moms worry most about random violence and alienation amidst the youth.

And back in the day-to-day, I'd say maybe the biggest problem or area of concern, off and on, for most mothers is quality daycare. And then with older kids, it's education, especially if she feels that the school is a mediocre one.

Linton Weeks: What have been your biggest surprises about Moms Online?

Katharine de Baun: Early on, the biggest surprise was the strength of the community. We began by envisioning ourselves as a kind of grassroots, interactive "Magazine" hiring mainly "writers" -- but we quickly found out that the most popular areas on our site were Chat and Message Boards. Moms Online is fairly unique in having invested seriously (staffwise) in those areas, but it did take us awhile to turn the ship around! I remember that the very first month after we launched we were just amazed at the chatroom on AOL -- I mean, you would go in there any hour of the day and there would be 7-8 and soon 20-30 and then 100 Moms chatting!

There was a kind of humbling aspect to it too -- like Gee, they don't want our content so much as EACH OTHER! But I am proud that we are providing such a great venue for that community to happen, and obviously content and design play a signficant role in that.

Alexandria, VA: Do you recommend your web site for "moms to be?" If so, what sections within the web site would be most interesting?

Katharine de Baun: Yes, definitely! I just put together an area for "Wannabe Moms" -- kind of humorous -- for women who are thinking but not sure about becoming Moms. We also have infertility and adoption chats, boards, and resources, and, if Mom-to-be is already pregnant, we have lots of content, Expecting Clubs on the boards where you can bond with Moms due the same month you are (this is a LOT of fun), expert advice, you name it and we probably have it.

Bethesda, MD: why do we need all of these special groupings...moms online, runners online, ex-cons online? don't you just offer up the same information, packaged for a different audience?

Katharine de Baun: No, I imagine that all three of these sites would have very different content and community! Actually, we debate a similar question all the time at Moms ONline, especially now that we're part of an Oxygen women's network -- i.e. is it worth having a Moms Online "health for women" area if Health is already covered much more in depth in another site? Often a middle approach is best, because our community is so targeted and strong that they really get a lot out of talking to each other about health -- it's not just getting information adn running. Also, there's something about a "Mom's perspective" on almost anything that's very compelling. Our political debate folders, for example, are some of our most popular ones even though the topic is not directly related to raising children.

Washington, DC: Is there a Fathers Online?

Katharine de Baun: I haven't heard of "Fathers Online," but I think Al Gore was involved in some Dad site that may still be around. I'm embarrassed to admit that I haven't bothered to search for a Dad's site in a long time and my information is rusty. But I CAN say that Dads are welcome at Moms Online -- we even have some who host chats!

Linton Weeks: At what age should young people be given full access to the Internet?

Katharine de Baun: I don't think it's easy to make a rule about this that will work well with every child -- I think it really has to be a parent's decision. Personally I believe my own bent will be to supervise and participate in my children's online activity and even go to a few disturbing sites WITH them and discuss them openly. I also think that letting a very young teen sit for days cooped alone in his/her room with full Internet access is probably not a great idea. Censoring pornographic or violent material is always going to be a leaky system -- so I think it's best to combine with parental participation, open discussion, and education.

Linton Weeks: What do the mothers at Moms Online say about filters? Which are considered good, which are not?

Katharine de Baun: Honestly, I am not sure -- I would have to ask and find out. I welcome you to go to our site and search for that information, though -- I know you will find what you're looking for!

Washington, DC: Where do you think the Internet will be five years from now?

Katharine de Baun: I am hoping that it will be a lot faster than it is now for most people (bring on broadband speeds!)! And that it will be better integrated into the culture -- not just in terms of commerce or banking -- but in terms of schools and homelife, so that people are more comfortable and feel ownership of the medium itself. There's never been anything like this -- it's not a topdown controlled "broadcast" medium like TV or print and its grassroots potential hasn't really been tapped. I don't think that anyone can ever truly "own" it, and that is great!

rockville: what are you telling all your moms about y2k?

Katharine de Baun: We're not telling them anything (yet), but they ARE talking about it! I imagine that closer to the date we will publish some tips and advice though.

Bethesda: What do you know about developing an baby's non verbal skills? Are there any books that you might recommend? Sign Language for not deaf babies?

Katharine de Baun: There is a great book/program for teaching young children sign language -- not just deaf children but all children -- to help them communicate better before they have learned how to speak. Some Moms have really raved about it -- I can't remember the title but if you look on amazon.com or other book site I bet you'll find it pretty easily.

I'm taking my baby and preschooler to a music class now -- which is also an excellent way to develop non-verbal communication skills!

Linton Weeks: Moms Online has given birth to other Web sites and discussion groups. Can you tell us about some of them?

Katharine de Baun: I'm a little confused about the question -- we haven't produced any off-shoot sites since we launched. Maybe you mean that we've inspired other sites? Again, I'm not sure, but I do know that we were one of the first parenting sites out there, along with iVillage's ParentSoup, and that now there are many, many others. And probably room for many more! Also I know that many Moms create home pages and start mini-communities out on the web, and that some of those MOms have been inspired to do so by their experience on Moms Online, and that's great!

Linton Weeks: I wrote a piece about a group of January moms who met on your site. Now they have a Web ring.

Katharine de Baun: Ah, ok, now I understand! Yes, I have heard of that sort of thing happening many times. Moms often meet each other on our site and become very close and start their own email loops or webrings or homepage groups. We encourage that, and hope to facilitate it more in the future, too. Usually they still are a part of the Moms Online community too, but enjoy their own intimate circle apart.

Linton Weeks: Thanks, everybody. That concludes another episode of Navigator--Live. Thanks to Katharine de Baun, to the staff of Washingtonpost.com and to all of you who sent in good questions. Please check out the other online chats, listed every day on the Washingtonpost.com home page. I'll be back in a couple of weeks with Kristine Hanna of geekgirls.com. Until then...

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