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Carolyn Hax: Trust ex-employer’s offer of a promotion or husband’s advice against it?

(Nick Galifianakis/For The Washington Post)

Adapted from an online discussion.

Dear Carolyn: I quit my job about a year ago because of a new manager. I had applied for the opening as our department head, but he was hired because he had an MBA and more of the “right kind” of experience. He struck me as nothing more than a smooth talker, but our VP was taken in. While I was reporting to the new guy it became clear that he expected me to do my job and his, didn’t know half the things on his résumé, and couldn’t bring in any of the new business he’d promised. So I left.

I got a new job. My hours have been reduced, but I work from home and my new company has made that as easy as possible.

My old company contacted me recently because they fired that fraud and want to offer me his job. It would be a lot more money than I’m making now, but my husband doesn’t think I should take it. He says if they mistreated me before they’ll do it again. I miss my old job and co-workers and would love to go back, but my husband has so much more work experience than me. He’s probably right about my old company and I should turn them down, but I don’t want to. I’m losing sleep over this. How do I make a decision?

— Worried

Worried: Take the job you miss with the colleagues you miss and the promotion you deserve and the significant raise, and if the company mistreats you again, then use your improved standing with the company to change the culture and your situation for the better, and if that doesn’t work, then leave again, possibly using your improved stature to get an even better new job than the one you have now.

Did that sound like what your judgment is telling you?

If not, then treat whatever part of this you disagree with as your own opinion and judgment, not your husband's. Own it.

If yes, then why are you overriding your own view in favor of your husband’s, just because he has “so much more work experience than me"?

You have 100 percent more experience working at this company than he does. You have 100 percent more experience being you.

Include your husband in the conversation, sure, and weigh his insights appropriately, but then YOU make the decision that feels right for YOU.

I suggest you make the decision you want, keeping it to yourself at first, then see how you sleep.

If you're staring at the ceiling only because you dread going against his advice, then take the better-paying job so you have resources and friendly colleagues to shore you up as you deal with this problem at home.

Readers' thoughts:

· Hiring someone else, even if unqualified, isn’t being mistreated. It was a mistake on the company’s part, and they rectified it.

· It takes a lot for a company to admit they made a mistake in a hire of that level. Hiring is a long and tedious process. They want you back. Ask for the moon and negotiate until it’s a win-win.

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