If monogrammed sheets, towels and shower curtains just aren't enough self-promotion for you, take your ego to the next level: Through online services, you can tailor products from beer to cosmetics exactly to your specifications, slap your label on them and have yourself a house brand. The items make for great party novelties and gifts -- especially if you (or a friend) harbor not-so-secret Martha fantasies.

CafePress.com. 877-809-1659. www.cafepress.com. Hats, mugs, lunchboxes, journals, even dog T-shirts -- this site, recently lauded in Budget Living magazine, lets you customize just about any product you can think of. Simply upload your logo or an image, and it'll do the rest. You can make the gewgaws for yourself, or go into business selling them -- CafePress's online store is set up to fill orders from your adoring fans. If your self-branded tees catch on with the kids, you could rake in some dough: CafePress will send you a check for the difference between your retail price and its base price (products start at $2.49 for a sticker).

Jones Soda Co. 800-656-6050. www.myjones.com. What's the ultimate in self-branding? When you can open the fridge and pull out a bottle of pop -- with your face on it! Just e-mail a photo, and the MyJones wizards will whip up as many cases of their Technicolor sodas as you like. Their rotating selection of funky flavors include blue bubble gum, green apple, strawberry lime and cream soda. You can also pen your own message for the edgy-looking labels. A dozen bottles of the custom fizz cost $48.95, including shipping.

Reflect. 800-243-2288. www.reflect.com. Say you're looking for a glossy lipstick with medium coverage and shimmer. Not only can you customize your own color here, you can name it after . . . yourself. This site also lets you personalize skin-care, fragrance and hair products, which range in price from $17 for a lip gloss to $75 for 54 milliliters of perfume (bottled in an engraved flacon). If the results aren't up to your exacting standards, Reflect will retool a product until you're satisfied or give you a refund -- and you don't even have to mail the product back.

Shenandoah Brewing Co. 652 S. Pickett St., Alexandria. 703-823-9508. www.shenandoahbrewing.com/brewing. This local brewery lets you cook up sodas and beers using labels and recipes of your own design, all with advice from its resident brewmasters. Call ahead to schedule an appointment. It takes two visits to complete your project -- one to brew and one to bottle. The cost is $90 to $150 to develop the recipe and $30 to $40 for five cases.

WineLabel.com. 800-411-3732. www.winelabel.com. Impress guests by serving a bottle of your very own Chateau Moi. The merlot, cabernet, chardonnay, and sparkling and nonalcoholic wines offered by this San Diego-based company (most from Napa, Calif., vineyards) range from everyday blends to varieties good enough to serve to your wine snob friends. You can apply a label with your own text or have a message etched directly onto the glass. Prices start around $18 a bottle.

Emily Heil

The garden gnome lunchbox -- one of many must-have items sold via CafePress.Quench your thirst and admire your own image.At WineLabel.com, you'll find vino for vanity's sake.