UNDER THE TITLE OF "Where are they now?" I have researched the Class of '69 at Molotov Cocktail Tech. Here is what happened to some of them.

Rip Calitrope was the first student to graduate from Molotov as a complete illiterate. He could neither read nor write after four years of college, but the faculty and president decided to give him his diploma anyway just to get rid of him. Rip is now teaching freshman English, history and creative writing at Forest Lawn High School. He doesn't see many of his classmates from 1969. "I'd like to write to them," he told me. "But you know how it is."

Nancy Beanstrap was cheerleader and Homecoming Queen of the Class of '69. She was voted the most popular girl in her class. She now is a member of the "Church of the Heavenly Laser" and sells carnations at Chicago's O'Hara Airport. Nancy, who now uses the name "Eternal Light," has been deprogrammed six times, but keeps returning to O'Hara Airport to find her "True Beam." She says she's at peace with herself except when she pins a carnation on someone and they refuse to give a donation to her church.

Malcom Sumner, who spent a total of 675 days in jail out of his four years in college for protesting the pollution of the air and water around Molotov City, is now a lawyer representing the U.S. Rust Company. A specialist in environmental law, Sumner has successfully defended U.S. Rust in its battle with the government to prevent the discharging of poisonous waste into the Coldstream River, Malcom, who has all his suits tailored in London, regrets his college protest days which he blames on youthful ebullience. He accused EPA and the environmentalists of over-reacting to pollution.

"People either want steel or clean water. They can't have both," he said. Asked if he regretted spending so many days in jail, Malcom said, "No. The authorities did the right thing. We're a law-and-order society and anytime a rotten college kis takes the law into his own hands he should be put in the slammer."

Sarah Goldstream, who ran out on the field naked during the Molotov-Singleton U football game (which was covered on nationwide television) to protest sex discrimination in sports at the university, is now married to a CPA and lives in Fairlawn Village.

She has three small children, drives a station wagon, plays tennis three times a week and is vice president of her Junior League. She said she was too busy to talk to me because she had to pick up her children from dancing school and take them to their piano lessons. When I brought up the famos football incident she just pursed her lips and said, "I think a woman's place is in the home."

Michael Kahme, who threw himself on top of Henry Kissinger's limousine to protest the war in Vietnam, is now a captain in the U.S. Marines. "I'm a 30-year man," he said proudly, "Civilians don't understand that the Soviets only deal from strength.

"My outfit was well set to go to Angola, but some bureaucrat in the Pentagon scratched it. If we don't stop the Commies in Angola we'll be fighting them on the beaches of Far Rockaway."

I asked how an antiwar fanatic was able to change into a gung-ho Marine.

He replied, "I saw the TV commercial where they shoed these guys in their red, white and blue uniforms - it was out of sight - and I said to myself, "That's the life for me."

The final student of the Class of '69 I talked to was Emmett Fiedlerman. As you recall Emmett blew up the science building, the library and the Liberal Arts center to show that education had no relevance.

Fiedlerman has just been appointed by the Carter administration as director of the Bureau for the Advancement of Higher Education. His first act as director was to give Molotov a $15,000,000 grant to reconstruct the buildings he blew up. In exchange for his magnificent gesture Molotov is giving Fiedlerman an honorary degree as Doctor of Humanities this Sunday.