Numerous as the sands of the desert are the problems of Cosmo girls. As if it wasn't hard enough to snare Your Man and keep Him happy, a brand new crisis has appeared on the horizon, or more specifically in the August issue: "How to Get a Man Not to Stay Over."
You know how it is, relates author Jeannie Sokol. You've just had the requisite "gourmet nosh in a candlelit cave" followed by the equally de rigeur feverishly tender romp," but now the nig lug, who just happens to snore like the Concorde, is planning to sleep over and you've got a heavy business meeting scheduled for the morning. What to do?
The problem is complicated by the fact that men, the sillys have these awfully sensitive feelings and tend to go off and pout if you stand up and scream "Get lost, clown." So, Cosmo suggests break it to them gently. They are people too, you know. Eggsactly
Heavens, the gane at Consumer Reports has certainly seen a lot, but even they were buffaloed by The Egg Stir, described in the July issue as "one of the most foolish labor saying devices ever."
Said Egg Stir consists of a motor attached to a sharp needle.One punctures the egg shell with the needle, turns on the motor and believe it or else, the Egg Stir beats the egg inside its very own shell.
There are, CR is pained to report certain disadvantages. The egg come to out runny, it takes quite a bit of time to beat more than one egg this way, and that pesky needle makes the machine a problem to wash and store. Conclusion (no kidding): "We couldn't get very stirred up about it." High Wire Act
At age 22, Diane Jaworski hit bottom with a sizable thud. Having gorged herself on food to the point that her husband had to practically drag her across the threshold after their wedding, Jaworski tipped the Toledos at 260 pounds. Her best friend was even named Candy.So she found herself ready for the ultimate way out, as related in the August Good Housekeeping: "To Lose Weight, I Had My Jaws Wirred Shut."
Jaw wiring, it turns out, doesn't always work. One poor man managed to gain weight with his mouth wired because he slurped milkshakes all day long. But, after some initial doscomfort, like the month it took for anyone to understand those clamped jaws, Jaworski found the method a success.
True, her gums are sore, she can only brush her teeth twice a month, and people at work sometimes ask embarrassing questions, but Jaworski has lost 85 pounds after a year on the wires and hopes to lose 40 more. "I still feel the way I did the day the wires went on," she says somberly, "that this was my last chance." Talk to Me
Say what you like about artist Andy Warhol, the guy is a master of the bon mot. In a lengthy interveiw in the August High Times, Warhol revealed plans to open a restaurant called the Andymat and unburdened himself on a number of topics. For instance:
Politics: "I went to vote once, but I got too scared."
Visiting outer space: "No, I really hate heights. I always like to live on the first floor."
Greatest living artist: "I still think Walt Disney is."
"But he's dead."
"I know, but they still have him in plastic, don't they?"
All too true. Up With People
"We've got our own style here in Northern Virginia," says Ronald Van Doren. "We're just a little more jaundiced, more sophisticated than the run of the mill.Most of your influentials are out here."
Well, anytime you've got a lot of influentials in one place, the natural thing to do is start a magazine to keep them amused, and Van Doren, as it turns out, is the executive editor of Northern Virginia People, a photo-story magazine that hopes to galvanize that particular neck of the woods.
Issue one, due on the stands August 25, features articles on assassination expert Bud Fensterwald, zany deejay Murphy In The Morning and an honest-to-gosh call girn interviewed by an honest-to-gosh housewife.
At least three other magazines have emerged recently from the Washington area or are just about to:
Equus - described as the only publication of its kind dealing "exclusively with the horse itself . . . its physical and even emotional well-being."
Opera Review - a slick, easy-on-the eyes bimonthly devoted to "all aspects of the opera world" and available at an operatic price of $25 a year.
Mandolin Notebook - emanating from the Silver Spring basement of Rebecca and Mike Holmes and devoted to the instrument, not the music, this nifty publication can be placed fearlessly on the shelf next to Guitar Player, Banjo Newsletter and, of course, Dulcimer Player News. Listomania
Take 32 writers and/or literary poobahs and ask them which American authors of this century are the most over and the most underrated and you'll get just what the August Esquire got: a lot of strange answers and plugs for books like "Log of the S.S. The Mrs. Unguentine" by Stanley G. Crawford.
Some trends did emerge, however. Hemingway made the most most-overrated lists, followed closely by a dead heat between T.S. Eliot, Thomas Wolfe, F. Scott Fitzgerald, Saul Bellow and Edmund Wilson. Picked on the most most-underrated lists was Conrad Aiken, with Willie Cather second.
Another interesting list, from the July 23 TV Guide, names the most popular, most often shown movies on TV.The results in order included "Casablanca," "King Kong," "The Magnificent Seven," "The Maltese Falcon," "The Adventures of Robin Hood," "The African Queen," "The Birds," "Citizen Kane," "Miracle on 34th Street," "Girls! Girls! Girls!" (with Elvis Presley), "King Solomon's Mines," "The Treasure of Sierra Madre" and "The War of the Worlds."
And not to forget that Us magazine reports that "Please don't squeeze the Charmin" was the most recognizable of current ad slogans, with an 81.5 per cent share, followed by the 79.1 per cent who knew that "Plop, plop. fizz, fizz, oh what a relief it is" referred to good old Alka-Seltzer. On the Horizon
With a full-color mailer complete with come-on lines like "ARE YOU READY FOR DISCO-COOL?" Horizon Magazine has announced a radical change of format.
The old Horizon was a discreet, hard-cover, no advertising quarterly that ran leisurely articles on Roman statuary and Meissen china. Starting in September, the new monthly Horizon, Time-sized and edited by former Time managing editor Otto Fuerbringer, will be taking a jazzy. The-Future-Is-Now approach to life, hopeing that trendy articles about King Tut sheets and walk-in paintings will help increase its current 100,000-circulation to a quarter of a million. "Never before in history," blares the prospectus, "has it been more rewarding to posses two eyes, two ears and a brain."
Not to mention a subscription. Tidbits
Cosmopolitan has broken down and given the world its third nude male centerfold. This month's heartthrob is Mr. Pumping Iron himself, burly but beautiful Arnold Schwarzenegger . . . Now It Can Be Told Department: the August Ladies' Home Journal reveals that Liz Taylor met John Warner when British Ambassador Sir Peter Ramsbotham mixed Liz's hairdresser as an escort for an embassy tete-a-tete and provided Warner as a substitute . . .
Good news for lovers of junk food. According to the Aug. 23 Family Circle, the average McDonald's Burger King kind of meal, a special burger with fries and a milk shake, provides about two-thirds of the recommended daily allowance of protein for adult males . . . Bad news for Redskin fans. Playboy's peerless pigskin prognosticator Anson Mount picks the Skins to tie with St. Louis for second in their division with Dallas finishing on top and the Steelers winning the Super Bowl . . . Good Housekeeping has become, it is hoped, the last major magazine to put Farrah Fawcett-Majors on its cover. The same August issue has a fashion layout featuring Dr. Joyce Brothers, her mother and her daughter, all wearing pieces of the same ensemble! . . . The Advocate, the California-based gay newspaper, claims to have doubled its circulation to 300,000 after an extensive ad campaign. . . . Howard County, Md., can now take pride in its very own magazine, the Little Patuxent Revue . . . Folio, the magazine of magazines, reports that 130 new ones were started in the first six months of 1977. One of the nicest is something called Teeny Weeny Adventures, featuring coloring pages, cut-out dolls, puzzles, and pinup pages. No, not that kind of pinup, silly.