To call it "Paradise on Teflon" might suggest, inaccurately, some angelic fishfry. "Paradise on Skates" might be more specific were it not for the locale. "Paradise on Ice" is what it's called at Shady Grove, but paradise it isn't and ice it isn't.

The prices are modest, but nothing like so modest as "the grace and precision of internationally known skaters in dazzling costumes." This is "a family show," but for families accustomed to after-midnight in Vegas.

Children and groups ($2 for 25 or more) are the target, and most patrons yesterday morning came from day care centers, early learning groups, small-fry camps and neighborhood centers. There are matinees today at 2:30, Sunday at 3 and a single evening show tonight at 7:30, but even in the rain, everyone should have better things to do.

In lieu of ice, which is expensively frozen days ahead by the famed, large-cast ice revues, we have the admission that the skaters, if that they be, are gliding on that stuff which keeps the food from sticking to kitchen pans. On ice, it's hard to stop. On teflon, I imagine, the metatarsals have a fierce challenge to get moving.

There is a company of eight, four women, two men, Cordoni, a magician, and Roger Riddle, who provides "naughty" endings to nursery rhymes which made the 6-year-olds scream with appreciation. One didn't expect much, but this was far less even than expected.

Some mothers came with their chidlren to see "The Wizard of Oz" as one of the theater's Friday children's programs but got "Paradise" instead. Now that they've lived through this, they can live through anything.