A group of us were jogging in Rock Creek Park the other morning when a flying saucer from outer space hovered over us and then made a perfect three-point landing. Out of it stepped a dozen little green people.
One of them, who wore four stars on his shoulders, seemed to be in charge.
"Take us to your leader." he said.
We all looked at each other perplexed.
"What did you say?" Sullivan asked.
"I said take us to your leader! Don't you understand English?"
We don't really have a leader." my friend Guggenheim said. "But we have a President."
Maybe," said Lindstrom. "we should take him to Senator Robert Byrd. He has more clout than the President."
I'm not sure" Redfern said. "Senator Russell Long is the real power in this country. Nothing gets through without Long's approval."
What about Tip O'Neill? He's really calling the shots on the Hill." I said.
The four star green person was getting impatient.
We don't have all day. Will you make up your minds? We heard Henry Kissinger was your leader."
That was a year ago. Everything is changed now. Kissinger is only a professor at Georgetown University."
Look we came a long way," the green person said, "and we're tired. Are you going to take us to your leader or aren't you?"
We'd like to." said Guggenheim apologetically. "But at the moment nobody is really in charge." "How do you get things done if no one is in charge?" the green leader asked.
"We don't get much done," I told him. "We just seem to go along with everyone doing his own thing. The President says he wants to do one thing, Congress says it wants to do another, and finally a compromise is made which doesn't satisfy anyone. Would you like to meet Arthur Burns?"
Is he your leader?
"No, but he's in charge of our money supply and he's giving President Carter fits."
The green person thought we were putting him on. "Every country has to have a leader," he said, menacing us with what looked like a laser pistol.
"Please," begged Redfern. "We're trying to be helpful. But no one has ever asked us to take him to our leader before. Carter promised to be our leader but he's still trying to get the hang of it. It isn't easy to be a leader in the United States. If you had landed in the Soviet Union you would have been taken to the Kremlin right away."
The green person said something to the other green persons which we didn't understand. They all started chattering at the same time.
hen the green leader turned to us.
"They want to know since you don't haave one, if you would like me to be your leader."
I wouldn't mind," Guggenheim said.
"Suits me," Redfern agreed."It's up for grabs if you want it," Lindstrom told him. "Butu as a matter of courtesy you ought to clear it with Fritz Mondale in the White House."
"He's in charge of all administration appointments for outer space."