ITS NOT FAIR.
They get the Legos and we get the leg rest. They get the mini speed racers, cuddly teddy bears, gooey finger paints, "Star Wars" light sabers, Frisbees and skateboards and we get the electric tie rack, Ho Ho hum . . .
When it comes to Christmas, kids have all the fun.
Unless, of course, you happen to be a grownups who never outgrew your need for toys. William Accorsi is one of them. His whimsical, hand-painted wooden toys for grownups can be found at The American Spirit (located in Les Champs at Watergate). The shop in the exclusive Washington outlet for Accorsi's toys, which retail from $16 to $165.
Bethann Thornburgh's Piggy's Chorus Line, a satin applique soft-scultpture mobile, features three hot-pink, sexy snout-nosed piglets in mid can-can. At $250, it's a squeal.
Thornburgh's works can be found at American Spirit, along with Cathy Smith Warren's beguiling Baby Bibos - cuddly soft-sculpture dolls with long, funny anteater noses, made of muslin and dressed in antique clothing. Selling for $45 to $100, they're for grownups only.
Don't be cruel, to a doll that's true. The Opportunity Boutique - the Christmas display of work by handicraft cooperatives across the country, sponsored by the Community Services Administration - has a soft sculpture Elvis Presley Doll for $15.95. The boutique will be open through Dec. 23, Monday-Friday, 10 a.m.-4 p.m. at 1200 19th St. Room 225.
For the boss, there's The Executive Teddy Bear - a soft, cuddly bear in a business suit. Pull his string and he growls, "You are a born leader." A must for the board room. Order from LS Associated, P.O. Box 1033, 7225 Duvan Dr., Tinley Park, Ill. 60477.
Looking for a house? Garfinckel's has a fully furnished Victorian Doll House (including electric lighting) for $6,250. Camalier & Buckley offers a gray and white French Victorian Doll House with 12 rooms for $1,200 (furnished) or $300 (unfurnished). But the Smithsonian (folks who should know, will let you build your own. A Doll House Kit of veneer is available for $35 and furniture can be purchased separately. Paints not included.
If you miss your lemonade stand, Sabrett vendors will sell you a professional hot dog cart, complete with striped umbrella, running water and storage space. The (used) carts retail for $800 to $1,000 and are available at Sabrett Food Products, 1522 14th St. NW. Hot dogs not included.
You don't have to believe in Santa to believe in magic. The Saw the Lady in Half trick, complete with wooden frame and electric saber saw, is instant Houdini. It retails for $100 at Al's Magic Shop. "It's also recommends the French Guillotine ($150) and a handy Wrist Chopper ($57.50).
Magic wands of many colors (depending on your wish) are available at The Red Balloon in Georgetown and Les Champs for $1.95. Turn your friends into animals with the orange one; wish for money with the green.
A close encounter of a different kind (for stargazers only) can be found with the Spectrum Starfinder, a flashlight device with eight small acrylic plates to chart the constellation. It's $15.95 at The Red Balloon.
Give the "Star Wars" light saber back to the kids. The Turnpike Toll Gun lets you shoot your way down the highway - with quarters. Gun holds 24 quarters and eliminates fumbling in the correct change lane ($14.95 from Hammacher-Schlemmer, 147 E. 57th St., N.Y. 10022).
But before you start the car, plug in the Alcohol Guard and take a breath test (just like real police) in the privacy of your home. Puff into a straw and the machine will flash the result: "Don't Drive" or "Take It Easy," depending on the amount of alcohol in your system. A must for New Year's Eve, it's $2,250 at Neiman-Marcus. When you tire of cops and robbers, play Ben Casey by taking a friend's blood pressure with the pocket size Blood Pressure Machine ($159) from Hammacher-Schlemmer.
Ring in the New Year with a plastic Mouth Organ ($24.95) and nifty Electric Metronome ($34) from Campbell's Music Stores. Give each band member a set of brightly painted Xylopipes ($15) from Neiman-Marcus.
For a lazier afternoon, D.C.'s Historic Trust for Preservation is offering antique Patchwork Quilt puzzles for $7.75, Brentano's has the M.C. Escher 500-piece puzzles for $8, and Maggie's Farm in Takoma Park is stocking the late underground cartoonist Vaughn Bode's Cheech-Wizard puzzles for $6.
Bored with backgammon? Try Mah Jong from China ($65 at Brentano's), 18th-century French Playing Cards with brown leather carrying case ($25 at Neiman-Marcus), 16th-century Persian print playing cards ($8 at Garfinckel's) and The Official Dealer McDope Dealing Game, the underground's answer to Monopoly. It's $12.95 at Earthworks and Maggie's Farm in Takoma Park. If you're still hooked, the Bag-Gammon Set solves the problem of the bulky board. Made of leather and suede, the set rolls up into a 3-inch diameter for gamers on the go. It's $36 and can be ordered from Krupp's, P.O. Box 9090, Boulder, Colo. 80301.
For traveling TV viewers, there's the teeny-tiny pocket Television by Sinclair. It weighs 26 ounces, has a 2-inch screen and costs $395 at Neiman-Marcus and Britches. For stay-at-homes, Fairchild Video Games turns the "boob tube" into a sports arena with video hockey and tennis for $180 (extra cartridges available for $20 each) at Bloomingdale's and Neiman-Marcus.
Play Howard Cosell with the Football Biorhythm Kit, and plot the physical/emotional/mental ups and downs of your favorite player ($12 at Neiman-Marcus). Get ready for spring training with the Baseball Biorhythm Kit ($12 at Brentano's).
Trip the kite fantastic, with a 5-foot long Ghost Clipper Kite from Land's End ($32.95). Also available, Sopwith Camel and Fokkar Triplane kites for $8.95. (To order, 2317 N. Easton Ave., Chicago, Ill. 60614). The sky's the limit with your Smithsonian Wright Flyer kite with a 4-foot wing span for $11.50. String (500-feet) is $2. For a fast start, hop on a Unicycle by Hedstrom with adjustable seat and chromed wheel. It's $22.96 at Toys-R-Us.