The 10 Worst Commercials of '77 . . . Cruelest Musical Rip-Off since "It's All Right with Me" became the Easter Air Lines jingle: Those chaps whose serenade for Mellow Roast turns Lorenz Hart's "This Can't Be Love" into "This Can't Be Coffee."
Oedipal Drek: The Thomas' English Muffins spot in which a rotten little boy complains of a competitor's product, "They don't taste like my mon's muffins."
Why We Were in Vietnam: Schlitz Beer's threatening "Don't Take Away My Gusto" campaign.
Why We Weren't Out Vietnam Sooner: Calgon's ad in which a young Oriental at a laundry attempts to pass off his use of Calgonte as "ancient, Chinese secret."
Why We May Be in Vietnam Yet Again: Pete Rose for Swanson "Hungry Man" pizzas snarling, "Know what gets my goat? Striking out and skimpy pizza."
Feminism Rut Amok: Four women on an elevator rip off a man's shirt so they can see his BVD underskirt underneath, then stretch it and stroke it. One leaves the elevator saying, "I wonder if he's wearing BVD briefs, to."
Erotic Over-Reaching: "Jontue" by Revlon, a dream of wet horses and a soft-focus gypsy - "sensual, but not too far from innocence."
Why We Were in Watergate: A husband cooks dinner for his wife. She hates it. Then he brings out the Sara Lee Pound Cake and tells her he made that, too. She loves it. "It's so moist, it tastes homemade."
Question We Least Needed the Answer To: "Why does America love the Whopper at Burger King?"
Question We All Too Well Know the Answer to: "Whaddayou love about Freshen-Up Gum?" (Answer: "Love That Squirt.")