Dolly in pool! Dolly in pool!

This looks like a job for Sam.

And before you can say, "Yo-ho, Rinty," the plucky yellow Labrador retriever has plunged into the water and snatched the stricken Raggedy Ann gently in his jaws.

What a dog.

Of all the friends a man may have, Jack Webb growls in his introduction to "Sam," "The one that never proves ungrateful or treacherous is . . . his . . . dog."

This may be Jack's subtle way of getting back at his agent, his old Army buddy, or whoever wore Badge 715.

But "Sam," the Webb series premiering on CBS tonight (8 o'clock, channel 9), doesn't appear to be anybody's way of getting back at anybody else. Certainly it can't be CBS's way of getting back at ABC's "Happy Days," because if they can even get 400 dogs to tune in to "Sam," CBS will be lucky.

"Sam" is not related to "Son of." Nor can he play "As Time Goes By" on the piano. Sam is a member of the Los Angeles police department - we even see his police I.D., signed by former Chief Ed Davis, adviser to the series - and he gets folks out of the darndest scraps.

Dog snatching purses in an L.A. shopping center? "This is right up your alley, Sam," says Capt. Claggett. Sam's pal, Officer Mike Breen, played by Mark Harmon - son of Tom - Takes Sam to the shopping center.

"Come on, Sam," says Officer Breen.

They spot tre miscreant "Sam, go!" says Officer Breen.

Sam goes. He chases that other dog for blocks. Finally Sam corners him in an alley and stares him down; FAB LAB NABS PICKPOCKET POOCH.

What an animal.

"Ruff," says Sam.

"Find him, Sam," sobs the mother of a 6-year-old deaf black boy lost in the woods. Sam takes a whiff of the lost kid's sweather. This look like child's play.

But it's all child's play to Sam - Sam, who sniffs at danger, not to mention cigar boxes filled with dynamite, who yawns at calamity, who barks at passing cars and whose television show rolls over and plays dead even before the first commercial?

It all seems so innocent, so wholesome, so innocuous. But "Sam" is really part of a sinister plot by the television networks of the United States. They are trying to put the nation's satirists and parodists out of business. They are trying to produce TV shows that are such Armageddons of inantiy that no one would ever be able to spoof them, and "Sam" is nothing, if not spoof-proof.