Last Year I wrote about Father's Day fantasies. Since then, I've collected some more:
Mr. Robinson, I'm calling to tell you your son Richard has been accepted at our college. The tuition is $1,000 a year including room and board as well as books. We look forward to seeing him this fall.
"Dad, I fixed your car so you won't have to take it to the repair shop. All it needed was a valve job and new brake linings. I bought the spare parts from the dealer. When you can leave it for a day. I'd like to check out the transmission, and the pistons. But it runs beautifully now."
"Father, I've decided to sell my hi-fi equipment and collect postage stamps instead."
"Mr. Berryman, this is insurance company. Your son had such an outstanding driving record for the past three years that we are giving him as $500 deduction in your premium."
"Mr.Gladstone, would you have any objection if we took your daughter Kitty with us on a trip to Europe this year? Our daughter says she won't go without her, and Mrs. Merriweather and I would love to take Kitty along, at our expenseof course."
"Father, I would like you to me my date Steve Cauthen. He'd like to know if you would join us at the races today."
"Pops, I know you're not going to believe this but my senior class voted today, and you were the first choice over John Travolta to speak to us at our graduation."
"Mr.Lombard, there's been a terrible error. Your son did not hit the school bus driver in the back of the head with an apple. It turns out it was another boy, and therefore we are dropping the $50,000 law suit against you, and sending you a case of Jack Daniel's for any inconvenience you have been caused."
"Dad, would you tell the gang how it was when you were poor and you had to scrimp and save to make a dollar, and how you had to do it all by yourself, and the feeling of accomplishment you got when you made it -- something kids of our generation will never know."
"Why, Mr.Wembley, I can't believe you're 50 years old. When your son Bobby told me we were going to play touch-football this afternoon, I ddn't know we were up against another O. J. Simpson."
"My dancing teacher said you're the best-looking man she's ever seen."
"Welcome home, George. Since you're been away the children have behaved like angels. I have nothing but good news to tell you about them."
"These are four friends of mine from collage. They're going to sleep in a motel."
"Dad, when I get married I'm going to keep my maiden name. I was born a Steinblock and I want to be a Steinblock for the rest of my life."
"Henry, this is Cal Peterson. I hear your son just graduated from college, and I have a job for him. It only pays $20,000 to start with, but he'll move up the ladder pretty fast."
"Singer, this is Coolidge calling. I'm Tommy's father. Your son beat up my son after school today, and I just want you to know that Tommy deserved it."
"Hello Dad, it's 10 o'clock and I'm home. Can I get you anthing to eat?"