THE BAD NEWS BEARS GO TO JAPAN - Academy 6, K-B Studio, Landover, Roth's Quince Orchard, Roth's Tysons Corner, Springfield Cinema, White Flint.
As unattractive an assortment of American children as you could find - one or two each of black, Jewish, Jesus freak, Mexican-American and obese, all of them rude - are matched with Tony Curtis at his slimy worst in "The Bad News Bears Go to Japan."
For those who liked the original "Bad News Bears" with Tatum O'Neal, the important thing to remember is that this is not one of those poorer sequels to successful movies now taking over the theaters. This is the third in line, and is therefore that much further away in quality.
In this one, the dreadful and inept young baseball team is taken to the baseball-loving nation of Japan, in the hope that an attention-getting emhibition game will lead our youngsters to the top of the American success ladder as hucksters endorsing products on television. The moral question in the film is how far they will have to sink to get their game television.
If this is not what you want your children to see, how about a scene in which a six-year-old follows the grown hero into a brothel and then asks questions that elicit the information that sex is quicker when you take your clothes off, but that it is not functionally necessary to take them all off? This episode is played for cuteness - the six-year-old is not supposed to understand the details, but the audience is likely to.
However, one protection is that the audience is likely to have drifted into naptime by then. There is almost a total absence of action in the picture - not even any baseball, until a few minutes at the end - and a certain faithfulness to showing the worst of Western-originated Japanese culture has resulted in long scenes of variety and game shows played entirely in Japanese.