Have you ever wondered how a political television commercial is made? Probably not, but I'm going to tell you anyway.
"Okay, everybody quiet on the set. Where's Sen. Nobody? All right, this commercial will show what a great family man you are. Put on this cardigan sweater and sit in that stuffed chair by the fireplace. . . lady, you'll have to get out of here, I'm shooting a commercial."
"I'm the Senator's wife."
"Oh yeah, well, we'll need you in this one. You can't stay. Let's see, why don't we sit you next to the senator, looking at him with adoring eyes?"
"I've never don't and acting before."
"Well, just pretend you're sitting next to Robert Redford or Paul Newman."
"Should I say anything to him in the commercial?"
"What do you want to say?"
"I just want to ask when I'll see him again. This is the first time I've had a chance to talk to him in two months."
"No, don't ask that. Just look at him as if he's the greatest guy in the world."
"It's not going to be easy."
"Well, fake it! Now where are the kids?"
"I could only get two out of the four. Marsha and Larry wouldn't come."
"Marsha's mad at her father, and Larry ran away from home two weeks ago."
"All right, we'll have to make do with two of the four. Put the kids on the rug at their daddy's feet. Each kid could hug a leg."
"Children, the man wants you to sit at Daddy's feet and hug him."
"Which one's our daddy?"
"The man sitting in the large chair wearing the cardigan sweater."
"If we hug him will he hurts us?"
"No, children. This is for a TV commercial. He won't get mad at all."
"Quiet on the set. Where's the dog? I thought we were going to have the senator's pet dog in this commercial."
"Our dog ran away with Larry."
"What kind of dog, boss?"
"Who cares what kind of dog? Just so it will hold still till we get this thing shot. Okay, lady, now look at the senator. Please no scowling . . . Could I have a smile? Not a bitter smile - a loving wife smile. Try to think of all the happiness you'll have when you husband gets elected. You're scowling again. All right then, think how nice it will be if he gets defeated . . . Thats's better . . . Now you've got it. Kids, start hugging your daddy's knees."
"I got the dog, noss."
"Okay, throw him down by the fire-place. Senator, pretend this is what you do every night when you get home. You gather your family around you and read to them from the Constitution . . . Then look up and read whatever is on the teleptompter. You got it? Roll the cameras."
"Hi, I'm Sen. Nobody and this is my family. And this is my dog laddie. You may think politicans are different from other people, but we're just plain folks like each one of you out there. We laugh, we cry, and we worry about the future of the country. I care about my family and my doy Laddie, and that's why I want you to vote for me on Election Day."
"Cut. We're going to have to do it again. Go out and find another dog that won't chew up the Constitution of the United States."