In a similar spirit of tawdry simple mindedness, CBS introduces "The Dukes of Hazzard" at 9 on Channel 9. The series, calculated to exploit the success of good ol' boy movie hits like "Smokey and the Bandit," more closely resembles those hillbilly postcards sold in remote rural areas that aren't quite remote enough. Within five minutes, the program is out of breath from pandering so pantingly to its audience.

The "Dukes" are two brothers and an orney cuss of a paw (played in a trance by Denver Pyle) who play tag with the corrupt sheriff and his deputies in Hazzard County, which CBS says is "south of the Ohio and east of the Mississippi." The sheriff reports to a still more corrupt old despot called Boss Hogg -- so corrupt that he eats raw liver for breakfast, har har.

The fellas instigate meaningless and poorly filmed car chases with shouts of "ya-hoo," yer-hoo" and "hey-hoo," but the real hoot here abouts is Catherine Bach as cousin Daisy Duke, who bends over in her cut-off jeans at the click of a clapboard. Her cousins, Bo and Luke, are randy little devils, but in the opener they prove their deep commitment to humanity by saving a doomed orphanage from the sinister clutches of Hogg.

"At least two of them kids in that orphanage could be yours," says Bo, admiringly, to his brother.

"Aw, Bo's always braggin' on me," Luke responds.

If this show succeeds, every television critic in America may as well quit.