For some reason, "Lost and Found," an endless piece of idiotic trash that pitifully attempts to capitalize on the success of "A Touch of Class," is hostile to film critics. This inept fiasco, with its scummy dialogue and painful attempts at comedy, seems to believe that film critics are unsubtle. The mindless characters, miserably enacted by hungover-looking actors who know better and ought to be ashamed of themselves, keep suggesting that film critics are negative.

Why would they think that?

No critic could really be so harsh as to recount the plot of "Lost and Found," quote its dialogue or describe how Glenda Jackson, George Segal and Maureen Stapleton act in it.

It would be cruel to tell that the lovers meet when her car crashes into his, fall in love when his skis crash into hers, and cement the relationship when her leg cast falls on top of his. It is only kind to ignore the premise that he teaches the poetry of Emily Dickinson and New Wave Cinema at a college where he also does a straw-hat act at parties, and one of the residents is a perpetually pregnant woman named Zelda Scott.

It would be nasty to spoil the suspense by saying that the question is whether he will 1) get tenure and 2) tell off his mother. And any person of decency would ignore the presence of Paul Sorvino, fresh from his triumph in "Slow Dancing in the Big City," as a philosophy-spouting cab driver.

Contrary to what filmmakers Melvin Frank and Jack Rose seem to believe, the credo of the film critic is If You Don't Have Anything Nice to Say, Don't Say Anything. This film is

LOST AND FOUND - AMC Carrollton, AMC Skyline, Aspen, Jenifer, Laurel Cinema, Springfield and Tyson's Twin. CAPTION: Picture, GEORGE SEGAL AND GLENDA JACKSON IN "LOST AND FOUND."