THE VILLAIN - ABC Drive-In, Crofton Cinema, Jerry Lewis Cinema, K-B Studio, Landover Mall, Laurel Cinema, Loehmann's Plaza, Palmer Drive-In, Riverdale Plaza, Springfield Cinema, Tyson's Twin and White Flint.

There are three jokes in the American film considered suitable for family viewing: a pow on the head, the fact that women have breast, and ineptitude.

The first two may sound like violence and sex, but they are actually baby-violence and baby-sex, which do not offend because the victims of baby-violence don't suffer or bleed, even when shot, and the male participants in baby-sex don't understand that there might be a follow-up to going goggle-eyed over bosoms. This, of course, is part of their qualification for the third joke.

All three of these comic routines are just as busy as they can be in "The Villain," in which Kirk Douglas plays a bad man who gets on his horse backwards, Ann-Margret plays a pair of breasts, and Arnold Schwarzenegger plays a good guy who doesn't know what to do with them.

The movie draws on three cinematic traditions: the movie western, the movie cartoon and the movie satire whose subject is not life but the material of other movies. The film is rich in bumbling Indians, people with speech defects and backfiring schemes for blowing things, and it has a smart-aleck horse and a purse-swinging little old lady. It has, in fact, the same purse-swinging little old lady, Ruth Buzzi, as does "The Apple Dumpling Gang Rides Again," a film that opened last week, which is about inept bad guys in the Old West, dumb Indians, a smart-aleck mule, a curvaceous lady and a shy good guy.

"Apple Dumpling," however, is rated G for general, while "Villain" is PG for parental guidance.The difference is in the amount of bosom exposed. It isn't as though we don't have standards about family entertainment.