The essence of fashion is knowing what's in and what's out. But what good does it do you to come into work one day completely in, wearing brown eyeshadow and pearls, carrying a Judith Krantz novel peeping out of your Enny bag if those unenlightened dweeps you call your co-workers don't appreciate how in you are?

It's impossible to glory in being totally in if nobody around understands what's out.

So, how to insure-in-ness?

Read this list.

Memorize this list.

Make 10 copies of this list and send them to 10 people you come in contact with in this life or the next. Have them make 10 copies and send them out similarly. Do not break this chain. It's your only chance. Then, by the time this list reaches you again it will be next year, when it will be time for another list. (TABLE) INS(COLUMN)OUTS PANTS CROPPED SHORT(COLUMN)TOO-LONG PANTS WHITE SHEETS(COLUMN)DESIGNER SHEETS ELEGANT AFFAIRS(COLUMN)FUNKY FETES BROWN EYESHADOW(COLUMN)BLUE EYESHADOW HANDKNITS(COLUMN)SMOOTH KNITS CLASSIC FASHION(COLUMN)ANTI-FASHION THE TALKING HEADS(COLUMN)DIRE STRAIGHTS NEW ROCK (NEW WAVE)(COLUMN)DISCO BLACK/WHITE(COLUMN)BEIGE/BROWN JUDITH KRANTZ(COLUMN)IRVING WALLACE ELECTRONIC GAMES(COLUMN)BOARD GAMES THE B-52s(COLUMN)ELVIS COSTELLO VIDEO(COLUMN)FILM(END TABLE) (TABLE) INS(COLUMN)OUTS NEAT(COLUMN)GRUBBY RIP-STOP BAGS(COLUMN)CANVAS BAGS SOCCER(COLUMN)BASKETBALL SQUASH(COLUMN)RACQUETBALL BRIGHT PINK LIPSTICK(COLUMN)BROWNISH LIPSTICK HI-TECH(COLUMN)F.F.F. TRUFFLES(COLUMN)CAVIAR OXFORD SHIRTS(COLUMN)OPEN SHIRTS CREW NECKS(COLUMN)COWL NECKS ENNY(COLUMN)LOUIS VUITTON GRAPEFRUIT JUICE(COLUMN)LIME JUICE ALL PURPLE TONES(COLUMN)All orange shades GRAY(COLUMN)TAN PEARLS(COLUMN)PENDANTS RAISEN PUMPERNICKEL(COLUMN)CROISSANTS COLUMBUS AVENUE(COLUMN)THIRD AVENUE SWEATER VESTS(COLUMN)MATCHING VESTS TUXEDOS(COLUMN)VELVET DINNER JACKETS COLOR IN MEN'S WEAR(COLUMN)BLAND MEN'S WEAR CASHMERE GLOVES(COLUMN)LEATHER GLOVES TAFFETA(COLUMN)BROCADE COTTON SWEATERS(COLUMN)T-SHIRTS SILVER ALMONDS(COLUMN)MIXED NUTS DANCE SHOES(COLUMN)SADDLE SHOES CLENET(COLUMN)450 SEL JESSICA SAVITCH(COLUMN)JANE PAULEY CONVECTION OVENS(COLUMN)CROCK POTS PADDINGTON(COLUMN)SNOOPY TIMBERLAND BOOTS(COLUMN)COWBOY BOOTS DEARFOAMS(COLUMN)MULES ROBIN WILLIAMS(COLUMN)MORK PIGS(COLUMN)FROGS SKI UNDERWEAR(COLUMN)POLY PAJAMAS METAL PINS(COLUMN)CERAMIC PINS NIGHTSHIRTS(COLUMN)BABY DOLLS DIAPHRAGMS(COLUMN)THE PILL ANSEL ADAMS(COLUMN)FRANCESCO SCAVULLO COTTON UNDIES(COLUMN)NYLON UNDIES GAY WAITERS(COLUMN)WAITRESSES Bald MANNEQUINS(COLUMN)WIGGED MANNEQUINS MARRIAGE(COLUMN)LIVING TOGETHER LONG-DISTANCE WALKING(COLUMN)JOGGING WOOD STOVES(COLUMN)OIL FURNACES QUALITY(COLUMN)LISTS(END TABLE)