If you are like most other Americans:

You are asleep by midnight every night.

You like American food better than any other food.

You like pro football best of any sport.

You did not see an X-rated movie last year.

You eat 126 pounds of beef a year.

You live in a household that uses white bread more than it does any other food.

You use deodorant regularly.

You live in a house where the floors are washed at least once every two weeks.

You read a newspaper at least once a day.

You live in a house that has at least one clock-radio.

You listen to the radio at least three hours a day.

You gamble.

You do not smoke cigarettes.

You have never tried marijuana.

You were in love at least once by your late teens.

You believe your marriage is "happy," but also believe that you have a "less than perfect sexual relationship" with your marital partner.

You jog or walk for exercise at least five times a year.

You do not go swimming, bicycling, bowling, fishing, boating, tennis-playing, golfing, camping, or skiing on a regular basis.

You own a blender.

You own an electric blanket.

You own an air-conditioner.

You own an electric can opener.

You do not own an electric coffee maker.

You do not own an electric slicing knife.

You get paid at least $5.50 an hour.

You go to a doctor who gets paid at least $55,000 a year.

You get sick 18 days a year.

You get sick enough to stay home in bed six days a year.

You are more afraid of speaking before a group than you are of death.

You do not bite your nails.

You are more likely to get hurt riding a bicycle than you are skiing.

You sleep on your side.

You sleep wearing either pajamas or a nightgown.

You are not worried about bills.

You have a high-school diploma.

You do not have a college degree.

You live with at least one other person.

You live in a one-family house.

You do not live in an apartment.

You are a woman.

You believe that "death is not tragic for the person who dies, only for the survivors."

You believe in mercy killing if the patient and family request it.

You consider abortion morally wrong.

You have high confidence in neither the White House nor the Congress.

You do not think it is possible to have a government that is almost wholly free of corruption.

You do not approve of building more nuclear power plants in the United States, even though you did approve of it prior to the Three Mile Island accident.

You do not approve of building a nuclear power plant in your own community, even though you did approve of it prior to the Three Mile Island accident.

You favor gas rationing.

You do not believe the oil shortage is real.

You believe that there was a conspiracy involved in the assassinations of John F. Kennedy, Robert F. Kennedy and the Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

You know what your astrological sign is.

You do not read an astrology column regularly.

You do not believe in astrology.

You believe in unidentified flying objects.

You do not believe in ghosts.

You would rather that your son played baseball than football.

You used to feel that a person who chose not to get married was either "sick," "immoral," "selfish," or "neurotic," but you don't feel that way anymore.

You do not think a one-child family is a good idea.

You would rather have six children than none at all.

You believe that smoking should be allowed in fewer public places, even if you are a smoker yourself.

You believe that most people can't be trusted.

You believe that lawyers charge more for their services than they are worth.

You believe that lawyers do not work as hard for poor clients as they do for clients who are rich and important.

You believe that lawyers are not prompt about getting things done.

You prefer shrimp cocktail to any other appetizer.

You prefer vegetable soup to any other soup.

You prefer a hamburger to any other sandwich.

You prefer roast beef to any other main course.

You prefer spaghetti to any other non-meat main course.

You prefer fried shrimp to any other fish main course.

You prefer green beans to any other side dish.

You prefer apple pie to any other dessert.

You prefer french dressing to any other salad dressing.

You order french fries more than any other item when you eat dinner at a restaurant.

You prefer your meat done "medium."

You are not a regular yogurt eater.

You eat 11 McDonald's hamburgers a year.

You eat most of your weekday lunches at home.

You visited a McDonald's last month.

You did not visit a Burger King, Dairy Queen, Kentucky Fried Chicken, or Pizza Hut last month.

You do not take vitamin pills

You do not buy hard-cover books; so you will never see "the Average American Book," by Barry Tarshis, the fascinating new study of American public opinion polls from which all of the above information was gleaned.