There is entirely too much talk about going to war these days. Strangers have been asking me lately, "Do you think there is going to be a war?' in the same tone they used not long ago to inquire whether I thought there was going to be recession.
I don't have any idea if there is going to be war or not, but if there is one, it's not going to go like any other war we've ever seen. The war we keep talking about these days has to do with another nuclear power and, therefore, it probably isn't going to live up to the nostalgia we all seem to have for World War II.
Before everybody gets too excited about us getting into another world war, I believe they should at least know what one could be like.
"Hello. Give me Bob Hope. Bob, how would you like to do a show for our troops in Yemen this Christmas?" Bbbbbrroooooooooooooommmmmmmm! "Never mind, Bob, there is no Yemen."
"frank, I just wrote this great World War III song with Jimmy. Listen: Ivan, you SOB/Ivan don't mess with me. You may throw your weight around, but we will get off the ground Ivan." Bbbbrroooooooooooommmmmmmmmm!
"Mrs. Miniver, I know this will be tough to take, but your son and husband were at sea. It's hard fer those of us on the home front." Bbbbbrroooooooooommmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!
"Elrod, I want you know that all of us here at Four Corners are proud that you are going off to serve your country. Four Corners has always been the first to answer the bugle call when the enemy is at the door, and while we are safe and sound, there isn't a man here who wouldn't rather be in your shoes if he had the choice." Bbbbrroooooooooooommmmmmmmmm! "Hi, guys. Welcome to the Stage Door Canteen. Now who is the first sailer who's going to dance with me? Come on, don't be bashful -- I may be the last girl you'll see for a couple of years. Anyone here from Oklahoma?" Bbbbrroooooooooooommmmmmmmmm!
"And now, an important message for all Americans: Don't throw away your tin cans and scrap metal. Uncle Sam needs every bit he can get. Become a soldier on the home front, and give our boys everything they need." Bbbbrroooooooooooommmmmmmmmm!
"My sakes and land-a-goshen! It's George. Paw, George is home. George, let me look at you. What are all those medals for?" Bbbbrroooooooooooommmmmmmmmm!
"Men, here is where we are, and over there is where they are. Now we know they have tanks and machine guns. What we don't know is if they have tactical nuclear weapons. Fischetti, Goldberg, O'Brien, Nickapoulos and Hangdog. Your job will be to . . ."
"I am here today to ask everyone as a a patriotic duty to buy as many warbonds as he possible can. I have been to the front and I have sen our boys. Their morale is high and every one of you would be proud of them. I asked our brave lads what they wanted most of all and they said keep buying war bonds so they can get home as soon as possible. Now, let's have a show of hands of those who will buy $100 worth of bonds -- I want to see a lot more hands than." Bbbbrroooooooooooommmmmmmmmm!
"Oh, Lawrence, before you go, I want to have your baby."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes, Lawrence, I'm sure."
"Gertrude, did you feel the earth move?"
"Yes, Lawrence, I did." Bbbbrrooooooooooommmmmmmmmm!