When a man sits with a pretty girl for an hour, Albert Einstein once observed, it seems like a minute. But let him sit on a hot stove for a minute -- and it's longer than any hour.
That said the great thinker, is relativity.
And relatively speaking, Einstein might have defined eternity as sitting through all three hours of "Brave New World," the Aldous Huxley classic unmercifully transformed into tonight's NBC Friday Night at the Movies.
Face it: Huxley's view of the future brave new world was indeed grim, what with no literature, no love and daily doses of the mind-dulling narcotic Soma.
But the novel was not nearly as grim as this Universal Studios production, which attempts to breath new life into Huxley's decades-old work by adding a character called the director of disco worship and renaming another J. Edgar Milhous.
Those Hollywood folks are so clever! Why let the original words of dead foreigners get in the way of great television? Could Huxley have come up to the level of lines like "We're catching the early rocket in the morning," or, "I've never engaged him before, but all the girls in decanting say he's really great?"
Say no more.
Of the acting, let's only say that Keir Dullea would have been better off still asleep on the spaceship Discovery in "2001" and Bud Cort, with huge rings of mascara around his eyes, looks as if he is still in mourning for his former housemate, Groucho Marx.
Praise be to NCB, which in its infinite wisdom planned on a five-hour, two-part version of this masterpiece, then shrunk it into one evening.
Forewarned is prescribed: You'll need plenty of Soma to get through this one.