Since the "rampant preppie disease is not confined to the male sex" according to poster czar Shadyac, he will introduce a "Are You a Preppette?" version shortly, starring Constance Brooke Pellington in full preppette regalia.
"Climbing from cash register to the social register, the contaminated prepette, or Boxom Gatorus, sports an outdated wardrobe so similar to Nathaniel Elliot Worthington's (preppie) that the two could exchange clothes without embarrassment. The infected "road chick" fervently nurtures tradition, experiences delusions of grandeur, is always letting off esteem, and becomes sexually competitive for preppie men (often willing to travel miles for an elite mate.)"
Head-to-toe preppette dress, according to the Shadyac poster, includes: promiscuous pink cardigan, initial ring, gold initial pin (Adam's apple adornment), shell earrings, green hoop headbands, gross green espadrilles, blinding color wrap skirt, six inches of bare leg maximum, and matching purse (contents: maps to local male prep schools, black book of boyfriends, father's assets, birth certificates or pedigree papers.) Accessories include southern drawl (Y'alll . . .), monogrammed underwear, sorority pin, Fair Isle sweater, physical flabbiness, all of Nathaniel Ellion Worthington's wardrobe.
High-scoring preppettes give "yes" answers to the following questions:
Should you see a plastic surgeon to have your nose lowered?
Do you have a mirror on your bathroom ceiling so you can watch yourself gargle?
When you're with preppie males, do you seldom say four-letter words -- such as can't, don't, won't and stop?
Do your sweaters bring out the bust in you?
Is your motto dough or die?
Do you have an irrepressible desire for luminescent pastels and hard primary colors?
Is it true that when you wear slacks, the end doesn't justify the jeans?
On your last birthday did you send your parents a telegram of congratulations?
Is your head so uplifted that you have a double chin on the back of your neck?
Are your clothes less revealing than a nun's habit?