"Mr. Chairman, Mr. Chairman."

"Will the gentleman in the living room in his undershirt please sit down. You are out of order."

"Don't tell me I'm out of order. You know the only reason you're going through this charade is because of the television audience."

"What seems to be the problem, sir?"

"I want to see the reruns of 'Charlie's Angels.' Why can't you people hold your convention in the daytime when everyone is at work?"

"That's impossible. It would mean preempting the soap operas, and our female viewers would never stand for that. Besides, this a very historical moment on television. We're nominating the person who may be the next president of the United States."

"Who's that?"

"Ronald Reagan."

"No, you got it all wrong. It's Jimmy Stewart for president -- Ronald Reagan plays his best friend."

"We know what we're doin.' Ronald Reagan for president -- the part's all sewed up. Now will you please sit down so we can get on with the speeches?"

"I'd rather see 'The Gong Show' -- and I hate 'The Gong Show.'"

"If you don't keep quiet, sir, we'll make you listen to Sen. Charles Percy."

"I'll be quiet."

"All right. Now. Ladies and gentlemen, we have a real treat in store for all of you. How would all you Americans like to have the Panama Canal back? You would? Well, it's now possible. If you vote for Ronald Reagan in November, we will send you absolutely free, without any obligation on your part, the Panama Canal as well as all the locks that go with it. Just think of it, the canal that you've always dreamed of is yours, once you put Ronald Reagan into the White House."

"Mr. Chairman. Mr. Chairman."

"Sir, we only have four hours of prime time and we would appreciate it if you'd . . ."

"What happened to the tax cut?"

"We're coming to the tax cut, sir, right after we return from Clare Booth Luce. Why don't you go and take a nap and as soon as we get to the tax cut we'll wake you up."

"I don't wanna miss anything. You go right ahead with whatever you were planning."

"We have a film on Ronald Reagan as a young man."

"Beautiful! I'm glad I didn't go bowling tonight."

"And then we get to the tax cut."

"Are we going to get a tax cut and a balanced budget at the same time?"

"That's our big secret. If we told you that you might turn off the set and go to bed."

"Give me a hint."

"Well, we've shot it three different ways like they did 'Dallas' so it will be kept a mystery." In one version you get the cut and the balanced budget. In another you get the cut and larger deficit and in the third you get the cut AND the Panama Canal as well."

"Is it true Ronnie wants to give the People's Republic of China to Taiwan?"

"Ronnie's always had a warm spot in his heart for Taiwan. He has all his American cowboy boots made there."

"Doesn't everybody? Hey, do you mind speeding it up? Maybe if you wind up early I can get to see Johnny Carson."

"We still gotta lot of business to attend to."

"Such as?"

"Ronnie is going to do his welfare cheaters number."


"It still plays in Peoria."