"Hi, my name is Congressman Marbitt, and I'm running for reelection from your district. I know there are many questions you would like to ask me, so I will start taking them from the floor."

"Congressman, you were arrested for making passes at a 16-year-old sheep dog and pleaded guilty to the charges. Why should we return you to office?"

"I have a drinking problem which I'm working on now, and I have confessed my wrongdoing to God. I don't think what I have done has anything to do with the issues of this campaign."

"Sir, you were also caught in an FBI sting operation and found quilty of taking $10,000 from an FBI undercover agent. Do you believe with that background we should vote for you?"

"At the time I took the money I had a drinking problem. I was drunk all the time and didn't know what I was doing. But I always serverd the people of this district well, even when I had a buzz on. My case is now up for appeal, and I don't believe this is the place to discuss it."

"Mr. Congressman, isn't it true that you charged an illegal immigrant $5,000 to get a private bill passed through Congress making him an American citizen?"

"I charged $1,000, and the money went to my law firm, not to me. My opponent has tried to make political hay with this story, but I would like to tell you exactly what happened. I was drunk at the time. The pressures of this job can drive anyone to take a nip once in a while. I took my first one when I got up in the morning. By 11 o'clock I was smashed. I didn't even remember putting the bill before Congress until some rotten reporter smeared it all over the front page of the newspaper. This country is getting fed up with an irresponsible media that keeps prying into the private lives of its citizens."

"Congressman, can we talk about the hit-and-run charges pending against you after an accident on Route 95?"

"I've discussed the accident in detail and never hid it form my constituents. I had been to a rally, and stopped off at a bar to relax with some good friends, We had 10 or 11 vodkas apiece for the road. I don't know if I've mentioned this tonight or not, but I am an alcoholic, and as soon as the stuff touches my lips I'm a goner. But let me say this. I can be a better congressman now than I've ever been before because I'm aware of my problem, and I'm willing to face up to it. Wouldn't you rather have someone represent you who knows he can't handle booze than someone who doesn't?"

"Congressman Marbitt, is it true that you took kickbacks from your staff and have been pinching your secretaries for the past four years?"

"A Congressional Ethics Committee is investigating those charges now. But I do not see what that has to do with my holding political office. I have served this district well, I stand for American flag, the family and abolishing waste in government. You must choose between me, an acknowledged alcoholic, and my opponent, who not only is a trilateralist, but a humanist and a closet SALT II supporter."

"Congressman, one last question. If you go to jail, will you resign your office?"

"That is a ridiculous question. If the good people of this district elect me, I would serve out my full term no matter where I am. I owe it to everyone who votes for me."

"Sir, on behalf of everone in this room, I would like to say we will support you in your election drive. It's obvious that if you hadn't been doing a good job in Washington, the Justice Department would not have tried to get you. We're honored that with all your problems you would still choose to run. Sober or drunk, we need you in the nation's capital now more than ever."