"The Lord watches out for children, fools and drunks, and I don't drink," says Enos, the hero of "Enos," a new CBS comedy about a hayseed aspiring to adorability. "Enos" is a spinoff of "The Dukes of Hazzard," which makes it the entertainment equivalent of Rosemary's Baby.

Sonny Shroyer plays the disingenuous hick cop who moves from Hazzard County to Los Angeles for the duration of this doggedly chipper and funereally misbegotten romp. As in "Gomer Pyle" and a whole strain of comedies from CBS' rube-tube days, virginal and dopey Enos is forever showing up them sophisticated city-slickers, including the formula foil, a mail-order police chief (John Dehner) who says "I'll send you back in disgrace to that godforsaken place where you were spawned."

Of course that's what a CBS executive should have said to writer-creator Gy Waldron when he showed up at the office with this slack and derivative bummer.

In the premiere, Enos eats popcorn and buttermilk and unwittingly ties in with a gold-hearted hooker. This leads to the breakup of a prostitution ring and such lines as "the place is crawling with prostitutes and pimps" smack-dab in the middle of what used to be the Family Hour. "Enos" would be worth railing against only if it stood a turkey's chance of surviving much past November; as it is, the thing is spinning in its own gravy already.