In 86 minutes, "The Apple," now playing in five unlucky theaters, attain instant cult status . . . and instant martyrdom . . . as as possibly . . . no, probably . . . no, definitely . . . the worst rock film of all time.
This allegory of The Fall From Grace and Redemption From Rock takes place in 1994, when the world is ruled by rock music.
Aspiring stars Alphie and Bibi are Adam and Eve, established stars Dandi and Pandi are The Snake and conscience and the evil promoter/idolmaker Boogalow is You Know Who.
Alphie and Bibi try to make it at the annual World Vision Songfestival with a nostalgic love song, which brings a cold, dark rage from the Old Boogalow. Eventually, Alphe splits while Bibi is seduced by the apple of success. Just as eventually, love triumphs, with a little help from The Hippie, who metamorphoses into Topps and carries a whole tribe of new believers heavenward, leaving Boogalow and his nasty policemen on earth. Take that, Jerry Falwell.
"The Apple" confronts not only the protracted battle between Good and Evil, but takes a capsule look at the '60s. The most hilarious scenes don't start until the arrival of The Hippie, but from then on it's laughs away: There's a love-in, a Chicago-style mass arrest, an underground commune (they all live under the bridge -- no doubt the one over troubled waters) and Topps' arrival from Up There in a late-model luxury car. Which he parks on a cloud.
The earlier rock scenes unmask director Menaham Golan as an Alan Carr-asauteur theorist -- more is less, more or less. The frequent production numbers look like weight-loss exercises; in fact, much of the music and motion looks suspiciously like disco, while song lyrics unveil a host of Rod McKuen clones. The sets and costumes are equally preposterous -- Golan's idea of a 1994 car is a station wagon with extra light fixtures and exercise bars.
George Gilmour as Alphie is an eerie blend of Rick Nelson and Horst Bucholz.Vladel Shybal as the Mephisto Boogalow suffers from appearing hot on the heel of "The Idolmaker." One hopes the other performers are using aliases.
In the tradition of "Riot on Sunset Strip" and "Wild in the Streets," "The Apple" will have them hysterical in the aisles.