Grace Salzman of Fairfax can sympathize with the woman who has been trying, without success, to persuade Maryland's Department of Motor Vehicles to correct her middle name.

Grace went through a similar experience after her wallet was stolen from her purse while she was at church. All her credit cards, licenses and other forms of ID were in that wallet, and none was recovered.

Her description of what happened when she attempted to replace her driver's license will be familiar to all who have traveled that tortuous road. Grace says:

"I stood in line to fill out a card, and being a military wife I knew my husband's Social Security number but not mine. So we went home, got the number, returned, and I got into another line. When it was my turn, I was told I had to have something with my signature on it. I explained three times, that everything had been stolen. The clerk said, 'You'll have to get something with your signature on it -- like a birth certificate, my husband laughed and said he'd sure like to see my signature on that certificate."

Cheer up, Grace. All you have to do now is get into a line at city hall or the courthouse, and when you get to the head of the line they'll tell you that for a birth certificate you should have gone to the other place.

After you obtain a copy of the certificate, you'll be eligible to get back into the motor vehicle line.

When you get to the head of that line, they may tell you that they'll have no problem in issuing a license -- but it will have to be in the name of the doctor who delivered you because his name is on the certificate, not yours. t

If that's what happens, don't give up. Just apply for a learner's permit and start over. ITS TOO LATE

A few days ago, I questioned the validity of an article that said men have a keenly developed sense of fair play because, as boys, they engaged in sports that teach fair play. The article said women are less likely to have engaged in sports and therefore less likely to play fair.

Mrs. Joseph E. Norton of Silver Spring says I might be interested in two books about women in management positions. The first is "Games Mother Never Taught You -- Corporate Gamesmanship for Women," by Betty Lehan Harragan (Warner Books, $2.50) and "The Managerial Woman," by Margaret Hennig and Anne Jardin (Pocket Books, $2.50).

"The substance of the two books," says Mrs. Norton, "is that women have not had the opportunity to learn teamwork. This is far different from fair play. Most men in business recognize the need for cooperating with others even if they do not personally like them -- or they will not remain part of the 'team.'"

Thank you for the suggestion, Mrs. Norton, but I do not think I will be reading either of these books. After 47 years of marriage I do not understand women, or even one woman, so it is not likely I will learn much in the future. However, I am happy to publicize the books in the hope that they will be of help to women and to men who work with women. DAY 422

I find myself wondering whether the Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini is one of the men who failed to learn fair play from games played as a boy, or whether he just never played games.

Having provoked a rebellion in Iran while he lived in France, Khomeini now protests bitterly that France permits its residents to criticize him. In violation of international law, Khomeini encouraged the seizure of diplomatic personnel and the looting of American property and documents. He held his prisoners incommunicado for long periods and made excessively vile statements about our nation and its leaders. He has made impossible demands upon us and attempted to influence the outcome of our presidential election by manipulating negotiations for the release of the innocent pawns he holds.

Of late I have been having a recurring dream. In it, we promise to give Iran $100 billion in gold, the Lincoln Memorial, Yellowstone National Park and half of Texas. Khomeini accepts and releases the hostages.

Thereupon we tell him to go to hell; we've changed our minds.

I know, this nation would never be guilty of such a dirty trick. But I ask you: Has there ever been a man who so richly deserved to be double-crossed?