"Hello, Dr. Schuster. This is Wayne Berman."

"I can't talk to you now, Wayne. I'm watching the Orange Bowl game."

"That's what I'm calling about, Doctor. I can't see."

"What do you mean you can't see?"

"I tuned in the Orange Bowl, and I'm blind. I can't make out anything on the screen."

"Maybe there is something wrong with your set."

"My set is fine. Everyone in the family can see the game except me."

"How many football games did you watch today?"

"Three. The Orange Bowl would have been my fourth."

"Do you still have your eyeballs?"

"I don't know."

"Well, ask somebody in the family."

"My wife says I look like little Orphan Annie. Do you think I could have lost my eyeballs?"

"It's been known to happen. What were you eating while you were watching the games?"


"Tell your wife to look in the jellybean dish and see if she can see anything that looks like eyeballs."

"She found two things that don't look like jellybeans."

"That could be them. Tell her to take them out of the dish and stick them back in your eyes."

"She wants to know if she should wash them first."

"That's a good idea."

"Suppose they're not my eyeballs."

"Then you're going to have to get the family to look elsewhere."

"I've been sitting here all day. I haven't moved out of my chair."

"That was very smart of you. Some people like to move around on New Year's Day and then they have a heck of a time finding their eyeballs."

"She's washed them off. Does it matter which eyeball goes in which eye?"

"Not really, as long as they're aligned properly. Just lean your head back, and tell her to press them in as far as they can go. Is she doing it?"

"Not yet. She says she wants to watch the next four plays."

"Well, so do I. You tell her to do it right away."

"She's doing it. She just put one in my left eye. I think it worked. I can see out of one eye."

"Good. Now tell her to put the other one in."

"She just did, but I can't see out of that eye. I have only one good eye, Doc!"

"Now don't get excited. Your wife might have mistaken one of the jellybeans for an eyeball. Are the lights on in the living room?"

"No, she says they spoil the TV picture."

"Tell her to put on the lights for a few moments. What color is the eye you can see out of?"


"And what color is the eye you can't see out of?"

"She says it's green."

"Then it does sound like she put a jellybean into your right eye by mistake."

"What should she do now?"

"Ask her to have one more look in the empty bowl and see if she can find a brown jellybean instead of a green one."

"She wants to know if she can wait until after the game."

"No. Tell her to do it right away."

"She found a brown one."

"Good. Now instruct her to remove the green jellybean out of your right eye and replace it with the brown one."

"Agggghhh. She did it. I think it's working. It's worked, Doc. I can see the set. I don't know how to thank you. Now I can see the game."

"I wouldn't watch the game, Wayne. It takes a few hours for your eyeballs to get set in your head, and apparently you've seen all the football they can stand."

"But what am I going to watch for the rest of the evening?"

"Why don't you watch Merv Griffin? He just sits in a chair and talks to people. It will give your eyes a rest."

"What a way to spend New Year's Day."

"Consider yourself fortunate, Wayne. If you hadn't mentioned jellybeans and football, I might not have found your eyeballs until tomorrow morning."