The battle being waged in the schools has pitted the Creationists (those who believe the Bible's version of how man appeared on earth) and the Darwinists, who claim that man walked out of the sea millions and millions of years ago and eventually developed into the human being that we know today.

But there is a third theory that combines the two, and this one should also be taught in the schools.

Professor Heinrich Applebaum has been researching it for years, and here is what he has come up with:

"I believe God did create Adam, and then made Eve from one of his ribs, but I can't buy the story of why they were driven out of the Garden of Eden."

"What do you think happened?"

"Well, Adam and Eve were living happily in the Garden when some geologists came along and suspected there was oil under it. They recommended that some test wells be drilled. Adam protested that the Garden of Eden was a perfect paradise, and oil companies would destroy it if they started putting up rigs on the property. Adam pointed out that God had set aside Eden as a place where man and woman could commune with nature. He said he would take them to court if they tried to drill on it."

The oil companies took their case to the secretary of the Interior, who was charged with protecting public lands.

He accused Adam of being an environmentalist and trying to stop the human race from developing its natural resources.

"We can't just let the oil sit there under the ground to protect a Garden which only two people are using," he said on "Meet the Press." "Our job is to see that we use our natural resources for the benifit of all mankind. Besides, I have no intention of giving permission to the oil companies to drill all over the Garden. I'm setting 20 percent of the land aside for drilling, and the rest will be kept in its present natural state."

Adam complained to God, who said, "The oil lobby is much more powerful than I am. There isn't anything I can do to stop them."

The Interior Department auctioned off the leases, and it turned out there was not oil but gas on the land.

The next people to apply for permission to dig were the coal companies. The secretary of Interior decided to let them go ahead, despite Adam and Eve's protests, because the coal had a low sulphur content. But he said he would permit them to mine on only 30 percent of the Garden, which still gave Adam and Eve plenty of room to enjoy the view.

Consolidated Edison decided to build a plant in the Garden, because it was cheaper than hauling the coal across the continent. Then the copper and nickel companies erected smelters to take advantage of the cheap energy.

Adam developed sinus touble, and Eve's eyes were tearing all the time. The final straw came when a snake gave Eve an apple covered with insecticide, and she got sick to her stomach.

"That does it," Adam said, packing his few belongings. "We're getting out of this hell hole, and moving to New Jersey."