A GROUP OF some of the world's greatest minds met in the back of the "Class Reunion," a noted think tank in Washington, to form the "Royal Society to Ignore the British Royal Wedding."
The idea was inspired by the controversy a few weeks ago over whether the U.S. chief of protocol, Lee Annenberg, should or should not have curtsied to Prince Charles as he got off the airplane on American soil. h
One of the members of the standing committee, named Wilkie, said after his fourth martini, "I don't see how it can be done. We're talking about the heir to the throne of England. Every newspaper in the world is going to go belly-up over the story."
"Anything can be done if we put our minds to it," Oliphant said. "But it's going to take fortitude to ignore the Royal nuptials. We can easily keep from reading about them in the newspapers and magazines -- the real problem is: Can we do the same with television?"
Nelson said, "I have a remote control on my TV. I can turn them off any time they come on the screen."
That's fine for you," said Shields, "but what about the rest of us who have to jump out of our seats and reach for the knob every time they appear?"
"As I see it," said Tuck, "we can't control what the media will do with the story. But we have to decide how much wedding hype each one of us can take."
"I got an overdose last week when I saw an interview with the people who are making Lady Diana's dress. The wedding's two months away and i think I've reached my pain threshold already," said Healy. "My problem is that when I refuse to read about it, my wife reads it to me."
Novak, who was trying to rescue an onion from drowning in a tumbler of vodka, said, "I believe our biggest mistake would be if we vowed never to read another word about the Royal Wedding again. It's too hard to keep such a promise. What I suggest is that we take a page our of Alcoholics Anonymous and, every morning when we get up, we each pledge for the next 24 hours to ignore Prince Charles completely."
"What about television?" Shields wanted to know.
"If Prince Charles and Lady Diana appear on our screens," said Novak, "we must promise to stand up and turn our backs to the set."
"I'll drink to that," said Oliphant.
Dumbarton, who follows the races, asked the committee, "Suppose Prince Charles falls off his horse again? Do we have to ignore that?"
"It's a good question," said Nelson. "It really doesn't have anything to do with the wedding, does it?"
"Yes and no," said Tuck. "Until Prince Charles announced his engagement, no one much cared if he fell off his horse or not. But now everyone is very concerned when he takes a spill, as it could affect the date of the wedding."
"Then," said Wilkie, "does that mean we can't watch Prince Charles fall off his horse anymore?"
"I think it's best not to," said Novak. "At least until the couple returns from their honeymoon."
"July is going to be the toughest time for everybody," I said. "I don't see how we can keep our vows until then."
"Why don't we all go deer hunting?" Oliphant said. "If we go deep enough into the hills and no one brings a radio, we won't know if they got married or not."
"That's a bully idea," said Tuck. "I've always wanted to go deer hunting out of season."
Nelson raised his glass. "Gentlemen, to the Royal Couple. May they live happily ever after -- as long as none of us have to read about the bloody details."