"Limits," says social psychologist Maxine Schnall, "are our inner standards of right and wrong and our personal vision of what we should or would like to be.

"Healthy limits incorporate both the techniques of our parents and the experience of our peers, but always reflect our true self. While our limits remain flexible throughout life, they also provide our identity with an anchor -- there are some things that we simply will not do."

Among her suggestions for setting your own limits:

Write down goals for the next year, and for the next five. Do you want to rear healthy children, start a business, travel to China?

Evaluate each goal. Is this something you really want, or something other people are saying you should want? Cross off goals not your own.

List qualities you admire in others. Compassion, ambition, fitness, fairness?

Study goals and qualities on your list. They should be a good indication of your values, and point you in the direction of your limits.

Listen to the "still small voice" inside your. "The key to finding personal fulfillment in an age of overchoice is to be consistent with that part of yourself that knows -- at a gut level -- what is your false self and what is your true self."