It's summer, and you will be meeting new people at the seashore, in the mountains and on trips. You want to make an impression on them, but you need an opening gambit. May I suggest a few that could break the ice?
"I had a poorer childhood than Ronald Reagan."
"I always sleep with a gun, when I'm sunbathing on the beach."
"I miss Jimmy Carter in the White House."
"We're passing up Prince Charles' wedding because my wife doens't like to fly."
"I saw the movie 'Heaven's Gate' and liked it."
"My son wants a genetic engineering set for his birthday."
Would you like to see a photo of my Moral Majority leader's wife?"
"My husband was going to get a high position in the State Department, but his brothers told the Senate Foreign Relations Committee he wasn't qualified.
"Street crime is overrated."
"I think the quality of television programs is getting better all the time."
"We lost our American Express traveler's checks in Florence, and the hall porter at our hotel told us there wasn't anything we could do about it."
"Our French cook can do miracles with our food stamps."
"My daughter is in Al Haig's remedial English class."
"Whenever my broker from E.F. Hutton says something, nobody listens."
"My husband sells processed uranium to Third World countries."
"Nancy Reagan bought an Adolfo suit from me that I don't wear any more."
"My daughter wants to be drafted."
"George just put Alf Landon on his political hit list."
"My son is constantly being sexually harassed by his female supervisor."
"No, thank you. I don't drink wine. But I'd like a real good stiff shot of booze."
"The more I hear about supply-side economics, the more I like it."
"I think Charles Kuralt is much better looking than Dan Rather."
"I don't believe all those stories in the press about Mount St. Helens overflowing."
"I'm reading Spiro Agnew's book this summer, and I can't put it down."
"Okay, so the Soviets knock out 40 million Americans in a first strike, and we retaliate by killing 50 million of them. They're still going to have to buy our wheat."
"Did anyone read the story in the National Enquirer on killer earthworms?"
"My mother was arrested for sitting in with the Vietnam veterans at the White House."
"Here's my card. If you ever need any real good Mexican grass, call me."
"I say if you have to choose between beautiful beaches and drilling for oil, you close the beaches."
"My garage mechanic called me this morning and told me there was nothing wrong with my car."
"Can anyone give me one good reason why we have to save the bald eagles?"
"I swear I saw Vice President George Bush today."
"Would anyone like to buy the Reagans a yacht?"