To twist Art Linkletter's favorite one-liner, people will do the darnedest things -- when sleeping under someone else's roof.

According to a few hosts and hostesses, guests are not invited back if they:

1. Smoke in the antique bed that great-granny brought over from the old country, or grind cigarette butts into the carpet.

2. Neglect to bring a gift, or to take the host out to dinner, or to bring in groceries and cook one of the evening meals.

3. Make more than a couple of long-distance calls.

4. Use the car; don't refill the tank.

5. Readjust the heat or air-conditioning control without asking.

6. Use towels to polish shoes or to take off greasy makeup.

7. Track excessive sand or mud into the house.

8. Fight continuously with spouse, child or host.

9. Don't make their bed or help in the kitchen.

10. Leave the bathroom looking like a hurricane hit.

11. Show up late for meals and expect the host to do an encore.

12. Refuse to eat what the host cooks and bring in their own food.

13. Expect the host to do their laundry.

14. Wait for the host to feed and clean up after the guest's pet.

15. Don't offer to replace an item broken by a visiting child.

16. Become boring by complaining too much.

17. Use the house as a hotel, but spend no time with the host.

18. Keep entirely unreasonable hours.

19. Expect the host to chauffeur them everywhere.

20. Forgot to say "thank you."