NE -- At the AMC Academy, Flower Twins, K-B Cerberus, K-B MacArthur, NTI Landover Mall, NTI Springfield Cinema, NTI State, NTI White Flint, Showcase Oxon Hill, Showcase Turnpike, Showcase Vienna, Tenley Circle and Wheaton Plaza. "So Fine" is the kind of movie that makes one yearn for the Ayatollah Khomeini's fashion sense. You'd like to see it sealed in a black bag and sent back to the sixth century. In this excruciatingly adolescent piece of tripe, penned and directed by Andrew Bergman, who has obviously never forgiven his English lit professor, the star is a pair of see- through jeans. Half-moons rising on each cheek. Never waning, ever waxing, making buckolas for Jack Fine's failing fashion firm. Father Fine is played with relish -- make that horseradish -- by Jack Warden. Get out your Yiddish for Goyim, because he's going to hit you with mensches, klutzes, and, if you'll pardon my jargon, some unmentionable lingo for getting it on in a garment bag or wherever. So anyway, Father Fine's firm is folding, which means he must borrow money from a mobster named Mr. Eddie, who looks like the Green Giant gone Cro-Magnon. For whatever reason, the big fella wants his one- and-a-half-million bucks back and, in the only original (but inexplicable) twist yet, demands that Fine bring his perky son, a college professor, into the family clothing business. The son, Bobby, is played by -- oy gevalt! -- Ryan O'Neal. So what's a nice Jewish tailor like Jack doing with a Celt for a son? And what's O'Neal doing? Surely not acting? Come on, Ryan, you're supposed to be a pretentious professor, not a limp-wristed hairdresser with a penchant for the prissies. Believe it or leave it, this schlemiel saves the family business by attracting the attentions of Mr. Eddie's wife, the sleazyman's Sophia Loren. She owes it all to Clairol and Frederick's of Hollywood. Mrs. Eddie, close friends call her Lira, is played by Mariangela Melato, who gets Bobby in bed by complaining that her husband is never al dente. As pasta will out, they all climb in the four-poster, cozy as three meatballs in a canelloni. Which brings us blessedly near the ending of this pithless 90 minutes. Back on campus, where Bobby, having finally become Jewish by learning to say shlep, has returned to hear Renata Cannelloni sing "Othello." Would you believe it, Renata has vox interruptus and Mrs. Eddie, who just happens to know the score, goes on with the show. Heh- heh-heh. It would be nice to say the tension builds, but just like Mr. Eddie, it's never al dente.

SO FINE