In one of many letters Abigail Adams wrote her husband John while he was off in Philadelphia helping found a new nation, she admonished him to "Remember the ladies!"

Two hundred years later, the reverse message -- "Remember the men" -- is going out to founding members of the sexual revolution.

"It's terribly important," says Kate Rand Lloyd, editor of Working Woman magazine, "that women consciously and carefully consider how what is happening to them is affecting men. We must help men understand that the societal changes they may initially see as bad news are, in fact, good news.

"For the first time since the Industrial Revolution, men no longer must bear the burden of being the sole provider for the entire family. As women move into the workforce, the men in their lives have tons of options. They can quit their jobs, change careers, go back to college, refuse a transfer, stay home with the kids."

Men and women today must continually remind themselves, says Lloyd, "It isn't 'Us Against Them.' "

This new emphasis on cooperation -- rather than competition -- between the sexes has emerged noticeably among working women over the past year, says Lloyd, 57, speaker at a "Career Women's Conference" at Hecht's, Tyson's Corner. It is part of what she calls "phase three" of the women's movement in the workforce.

"Phase one," she says, "was that first 'Gee-whiz-here-I-am-in-the-office-what-do-I-do-now' period. Women wanted to know about assertiveness training, consciousness raising, office politics."

During "phase two," women were "ready to move on to how to get the job done. The focus was on techniques and skills for success."

"Phase three," says Lloyd, reflects a new maturity among working women.

"They are now beginning to take their place in solving the problems of the country -- productivity, economy, inflation.

"Women are becoming comfortable and accepted as bright, competent workers. They have an attitude of 'Now I can take on the world -- or at least the country -- too. It's going to be the most exciting period of all."

The early focus on "dressing for success" and "learning how to operate as one of the boys," she claims, "has faded . . . or is fading fast. Women today want to be treated as human beings. They know they don't have to wear pinstripes to be accepted--unless they damn well want to wear pinstripes."

But despite this more self-assured surface, working women "have no -- or very few -- role models," says Lloyd. "It's very hard."

The role model Lloyd says she missed most was "a model for failure." When Working Woman went bankrupt in 1978 -- the result, she says, of a poor publisher -- the experience was difficult.

"I had always been in a very secure position." (She has been married for 31 years, has three grown children and worked for Conde Nast publishers for 30 years.)

"I left a very prestigious job as managing editor of Vogue to go to Working Woman in 1977, when it was less than a year old . It was like getting off the QE II and onto a leaky rowboat."

The bankruptcy "was one of the toughest things I've ever had to go through . . . As women we're so oriented to being good girls and pleasing everyone. A lot of us are still desperately trying to be perfect and have total control of our lives."

In retrospect, Lloyd views the bankruptcy as "a great learning experience. It really wasn't so bad . . . My friends still talked to me . . . A broken leg hurts worse. And it worked out fabulously in the long run. Today the magazine is doing better than ever."

Women's progress at home and in the workplace, she says, is "the natural course of history. We're overcoming a lifetime of socialization. As we grew up, everything we saw and heard and read trained us to believe that women are inferior to men.

"And men have been raised to believe -- I say this with all due love and kindness -- that they are better than women."

Meanwhile, Lloyd has come up with her own "Theory K" (or Kate's Conclusion): a corollary of William Ouchi's best-selling book, Theory Z, which advocates running large corporations like families.

"There is nothing in Theory Z," she asserts, "that mothers don't know.

"Talk about always having a ready ear. Talk about fooling the kids into doing what they don't want to do--and liking it. Talk about organizing them to cooperate when they think they want to fight. Talk about rewards and punishment. Sticks and carrots. Mom knows it all.

"Women are not only needed," she pronounces, "they are desperately needed to mother the great corporations of this country back to productivity."