I never got my invitation, and I still can't understand it.

Maybe Lady Diana (horrors) doesn't know we're related.

Actually, I have to admit, I just found it out. And no one could be more surprised.

But there it was, spelled out by a history professor in Madrid (of all things). A specialist on European royal blood lines, Professor Juan Balonso said that Lady Diana is a direct descendant of Genghis Khan.

There you have it.

Because so am I.

My grandmother -- my father's mother -- always used to say we were descended from Genghis Khan. And who should know better than a grandmother?

Look at the high cheekbones and the slanty eyes in our family.

(And remember that old saying, scratch a Slav and you find a Tatar.)

Now technically, of course, the Mongols and the Tatars weren't exactly the same, but they were certainly closely related.

And for the 200 years or so that the great Khan's conquest lasted in the area that certainly included my grandparents' shtetl near Kiev, there was plenty of, well, Mongolization.

After all, a pogrom is a pogrom.

So you see, Lady Di, we're mishpocha.

And I won't believe my unfeeling colleague who responded with such disbelief to my announcement that I was related to the princess.

Can you believe it? He said, "Oh no, you must have misunderstood your grandmother. She didn't say Genghis Khan. The Kahn she meant must have been his tailor Milton . . ."