Vienna Nippon, Inc.

Hedge Row,

Vienna, Va. Dear Sir:

We have gone over your car with a fine tooth comb and can find nothing wrong with it. Thank you for your patronage. Simeon Blund Service manager Dear Dad,

Heinz and I have broken it off. There will be no Punk Wedding in the Cambridge junkyard after all. You were right, and I apologize. By the way, I have been selling shirts at Brooks Brothers on weekends, and have already earned next year's tuition. Respectfully, Margaret

Sunrise Canning Corp.

Blacktop, Ga. Dear Sir:

The bevel-top hexagonal locknut and washer assembly you discovered in a canning unit of Lot 6, Batch 987 of Mother Vivian's Pumpkin Pie Filling has been analyzed by our Cedar Rapids plant. You will be interested to know that the nut assembly vibrated loose from a PacFirm Sifter-Squasher that had been improperly installed. Early warning of potential breakdown saved the company $680,000. See enclosed Accounting Insurance audit tab 641 verifying.

Your 10 percent bonus check of $68,000 will arrive by courier today in the form of krugerrands. You have saved the company a great deal of money, and we at Sunrise are all grateful.

As a personal note, may I say I am sorry about your tooth. Sincerely, Grant Salant President Dear Hortense,

Mrs. Walpole and I will not be able to come and stay for the month of April after all. Your sister Madelaine's house in Denver is such a filthy sty we have decided to give it, and her, a visit she will never forget.

Tell Jack we are as disappointed as he is. Dedicatedly, Mother


This garment (shirt, oxford cloth) was submitted to Ajax Cleaners Inc. with multiple stains, rust marks, chemical penetrations, rips, tears, ragged edges, ring around the collar and a curious odor.

Ajax uses the most up-to-date solvents and cleaning techniques in an attempt to return every garment in spotless condition, but some stains are not removable and we cannot be responsible for rents or tears or the loss of any item received by us.

However, your garment (shirt, oxford cloth) responded well to treatment and has been returned to its original condition at no extra charge. Pvt. Reuben McNabb Foreign Legion Barracks 9 High Atlas, Morocco Dear Pvt. McNabb:

The child born to Priscilla Ogilvy of Larchmont, N.Y., U.S.A., has extremely long toes and a dimple in his chin undeniably characteristic of the toes and chin dimple of the family Bonventure of Old Lyme, Conn., and most particularly of Alexander Whitney Bonventure of Dallas and East Hampton.

We regret any inconvenience. Simon Simone Ogilvy, Rothschild, Spencer Cable OGISPEN Brierly Country Day School Office of the Purser Dear Parent:

Your daughter Alexandra's artwork entitled "Gloppy Gloop Avec Le Souris Mort" has been selected best fingerpaint collage in the juried show of the combined second and third grades at the Downtown Art Gallery. As a result, she has been admitted to Brierly's special program for Gifted Incorrigibles, providing 90 percent tuition relief through her last year at the Ivy League university of her choice.

The bill for $312 to repaint Classroom 211, however, stands. Please remit promptly. Congratulations, F. Waller Stalling Scholarships Upland County Tax Assessor's Office: Dear Sir:

Thank you for bringing to our attention the 150 percent increase in tax evaluation for your home. We made a mistake, it's as simple as that. Your house has not increased in value at all as far as we're concerned. Thank you for bringing this error to our attention. Sincerely, J. Fred Suggs Chief assessor