Chances are that civilization's first singles, Adam and Eve, would have a far more difficult time meeting nowadays. Unless they happened to shop at the same fruit stand.
Let's face it, the art today of searching for "Mr./Ms. Right" is no small feat. It requires a tremendous investment of time and energy. And it doesn't take too long a break-in period on the singles' scene to discover that it all could be simplified with a unique collection of aids, designed to make the whole "boy-meets-girl" routine more efficient.
For openers, have you ever counted the times you've introduced yourself at parties, bars: You name it. Are you losing your enthusiasm? Is it not always worth the energy? Are you too reticent to keep the conversation going? Think how handy it would be to have your very own "Hi, I'm . . . " cassette, ready to whip out of pocket or purse, giving a brief prerecorded bio, including your name, occupation, philosophy of life (in 25 words or less).
Maybe even a few properly spaced stock responses, like "No." "Yes." "Uh-Huh," "Really?" And, of course, ending with the line, "Do you come here often?"
You could even add sound effects. Those of you who are particularly imaginative--or from out of town--could be anyone you choose to be at the push of a button. Sort of a Walter Mitty version of a Time-Life series. It eliminates the need to lie through your teeth. Just raise your glass and your levels high!
Moving right along, there's the Automatic Marriage Detector. Quite a simple device: a strip of specially treated litmus paper. You merely slip it discreetly into the glass of the person in question and if a gold ring appears around the rim, you know you're barking up the wrong cube.
Do you ever answer "In Search Of" ads? Then this product's for you. If you've responded and connected, only to discover that the "SM or SF, very attractive and personable" turns out to be someone only a mother could love on a good day, whose idea of a great time is watching a delivery truck unload, then the Truth-in-Advertising Tool will revolutionize your future correspondence. Just rub it across the ad itself: The parts that exist only in the writer's imagination will disappear, saving you time, postage and the need to conceal disappointment with your most convincing dramatic performance of the decade.
Finally, one of the more advanced developments, the "BS Alarm," a highly sensitive device, unobtrusively mounted on the back of a lapel pin. It remains silent unless it is subjected to serious exaggerations or outright lies, in which case it emits a continuous "BS-BS-BS-BS" signal until the subject changes the subject, or the wearer changes direction. (Warning: This item self-destructs if the owner is too politically connected.)
All these Singles-aids should have an enthusiastic response, the only possible exception being from the Humane Society of the U.S. They might protest products designed specifically to diminish the domestic supply of turkeys.