In a day filled with all the pomp, flourish and ceremony the United States could muster for royalty, President Reagan welcomed Queen Beatrix of the Netherlands here against a backdrop of serious Dutch concerns: U.S. policies on nuclear proliferation and the war in El Salvador.

"Our friendship is cemented in time and blood and is not taken lightly here," Reagan said last night at a state dinner for the queen on the 200th anniversary of diplomatic relations between the two countries.

In her response, a polite but candid queen told Reagan that "whatever our differences, there is infinitely more that binds our people together . . .

"While recognizing that the stress should be on unity especially in times of adversity, I regard pluraformity within our North Atlantic partnership as natural and meaningful. The partnership would not benefit from uncritical mutual admiration."

After dinner, as the queen mingled with the guests in the Blue Room, she elaborated on the potential problems confronting Dutch-American relations while she talked to actor Charlton Heston.

"Anti-Americanism is growing, unfortunately," Queen Beatrix said.

In recent months, the Netherlands has been the scene of extensive anti-nuclear demonstrations, causing the Dutch government to hedge a decision on whether to allow intermediate-range missiles on Dutch soil as part of a U.S. plan to deploy 572 medium-range missiles in Western Europe. The plan has met with heavy opposition in the Netherlands, and the Dutch government has said it will make its decision after the nuclear arms limitations talks between the United States and the Soviet Union in Geneva.

There was also strong anti-American sentiment in the Netherlands after the killings of four Dutch journalists in El Salvador last month. Demonstrators who charged the U.S. government was lax in its efforts to investigate the circumstances surrounding those deaths burned crosses in front of the U.S. consulate in Amsterdam.

Of the queen's remarks to him about the anti-American sentiment, Heston said afterward: "I think the Dutch are very straightforward."

Dutch Ambassador Jan Hendrik Lubbers said the queen's toast had not been out of character. "We don't like to limit ourselves to being just polite. We are polite and we just love the occasion but at the same time it's good to say a few things more in substance."

The dazzling dinner for the queen and her husband Prince Claus featured all the ceremonial splendor the White House accords royal visitors. And for Queen Beatrix, tubs of red tulips were added on the North Portico to match the red carpet she walked upon.

Wearing a blue taffeta gown and a tiara, she was what any commoner might expect a real queen to look like--regal, attractive and swathed in lots of diamonds and pearls.

The White House even named a course of the evening's menu after her: "Poached fillet of Pompano Beatrix." It, and the rest of the fare--beef tenderloin hearts, artichokes printaniere and sugar tulip basket with orange sorbet--were served on the new Reagan china.

When reporters asked Reagan if he was going to tell the queen his name used to be "Dutch" Reagan, he said it hadn't been necessary. Someone going through the receiving line earlier asked him the same thing and he replied that he had planned to "surprise" the queen with that.

"She said, 'Well, I knew that before,' " said the president, laughing.

First Lady Nancy Reagan wore a one-shouldered green and pink silk gown with a deep slit on one side that she nervously held together with one hand as she walked with her husband to meet their royal guests. Later, as she and the president danced to such tunes as "Second Hand Rose," she seemed more comfortable.

Undersecretary of State for Political Affairs Lawrence S. Eagleburger represented the State Department in the absence of Secretary of State Alexander Haig, who was to arrive here from Argentina early this morning. But Eagleburger, reportedly suffering from phlebitis and walking with a cane, disappeared soon after the entertainment by pianist George Shearing.

"Oh, he's here but on the phone someplace," said Haig's wife, Pat, of Eagleburger.

U.S. Ambassador to the Organization of American States J. William Middendorf said he would get his "instructions" on what position the United States is taking at today's meeting of OAS foreign ministers which Argentina requested.

"The most important thing is to remember that there's a lot more that unites in the hemisphere than divides us," said Middendorf.

Presidential Counselor Edwin Meese, talking about an issue closer to home, said "this week is crucial on the budget . We'll know in 48 hours. There's a final budget meeting today ."

Earlier, splendid skies and romantic breezes made it the kind of day--as the saying goes--fit for a queen. And it was the day Queen Beatrix and her husband began their official visit here. The day started at 10 a.m. with a formal White House arrival ceremony, where President Reagan said the two nations must accept "the responsibility to do that which is necessary" to maintain peace.

"The American people and the people of the Netherlands traditionally have been advocates of peace," Reagan said.

Queen Beatrix, in a pastel polka-dot dress and lavender broad-brim hat, encouraged the countries "to join hands in freedom for the world and human dignity for all mankind."

Afterward, as the queen raced around in an eight-car motorcade from ceremony to art exhibit to state dinner--Dutch Foreign Minister Max van der Stoel met with Eagleburger and Eugene Rostow, director of the U.S. Arms Control and Disarmament Agency (ACDA).

During the next few days, van der Stoel is also expected to meet with Paul Warnke, former head of ACDA, Arms Services Committee Chairman Sen. John Tower (R-Tex.) and Foreign Relations Committee Chairman Sen. Charles Percy (R-Ill.).

Constitutionally limited in her powers, the queen is not supposed to comment on or mix in politics. Her political duties consist chiefly of occasions of official pomp, and selecting the person who forms a new government after each national election.

Following the arrival ceremony at the White House, the queen and her party headed for the State Department, where she had been scheduled to lunch with Haig. However, Eagleburger stood in for Haig there, too.

At 2:30 p.m., the motorcade--laden with imported Canadian red tulips for the royal visit--sped across Washington for an Armed Forces Full Honor Wreath Ceremony complete with 21-gun-salute, the Army Band and Joint Services cordon.

The ceremony lasted about 15 minutes. By this time the queen had changed into a navy-and-white dress with a matching navy broad-brimmed hat. "Hats are her trademark," offered the journalist.

By 3 p.m. the entourage had arrived at the Netherlands Carillon in Arlington, also splashed with tulips.

Chief of protocol Selwa Roosevelt was getting a little nervous by the time the queen arrived at the Hirshhorn to launch the Dutch exhibit "De Stijl: 1917-1931: Visions of Utopia."

"This is my first official visit, and I'm learning just as much as she is," said Roosevelt. "It's my job to get get her everywhere on time and so far it's been going well. She really is a lovely, warm, enthusiastic person.

"We have to leave by 5 so she can get ready for tonight."

They left at 10 to 5.

The following were invited to last night's White House dinner for Queen Beatrix and Prince Claus:

Max van der Stoel, Dutch minister of foreign affairs

Mrs. C. Bischoff van Heemskerck-Telders, mistress of the robes

Pieter J.H. Jonkman, grand master, chief of the civil house

Vice Adm. Eric Roest, chief of the military house

Dr. Jan Hendrik Lubbers, ambassador of the Netherlands

Fusina M. de Graaf, director of her majesty's cabinet

Phillip W. Osieck, master of ceremonies

Lt. Col. P.A. Blusse van Oud-Alblas, master of the royal household

Mrs. M.C.C. Nahuys-Wijnen, lady-in-waiting

G. van der Wiel, director of the Netherlands Information Service

Capt. M.C.C. de Nooijer, naval aide-de-camp

Eric Denig, director of information services

Leonore Annenberg, former chief of protocol

James Baker, chief of staff and assistant to the president, & Susan Baker

Claude Bekins, chairman of Bekins Van Lines, Inc., & Margaret Bekins

Theodore Brophy, chairman & chief operating officer of GT & E Corp., & Sallie Brophy

Vice President George Bush & Barbara Bush

William P. Clark, assistant to the president for national security affairs, & Joan Clark

Mr. & Mrs. John B. Conlan, Scottsdale, Ariz.

Alexander & Elizabeth Cushing, Newport, R.I.

Rep. Dan Daniel (D-Va.) & Ruby Daniel

Michael K. Deaver, deputy chief of staff & assistant to the president, & Carolyn Deaver

Lawrence S. Eagleburger, undersecretary of state for political affairs, & Marlene Eagleburger

Willem de Kooning, artist, East Hampton, N.Y., & Elaine de Kooning

Raymond J. Donovan, secretary of labor, & Catherine Donovan

William J. Dyess, U.S. ambassador to the Netherlands, & Mrs. Dyess

Dr. Christopher Edley Sr., executive director, United Negro College Fund, & Zaida Edley

James B. Edwards, secretary of energy, & Ann Edwards

George & Julie Gould, New York City

Kingdon & Mary Gould, Washington, D.C.

Jorge Guillermo & Princess Christina Guillermo, New York City

Ray & June Hagie, Des Moines, Iowa

Patricia Haig

Michael & Billye Halbouty, Houston, Tex.

Sen. Orrin G. Hatch (R.-Utah) & Elaine Hatch

Charlton Heston, actor

H. Allen Holmes, acting assistant secretary of state for European affairs, & Marilyn Holmes

Joseph & Sally Keon, Los Angeles, Calif.

Carl Leubsdorf, Dallas Morning News

Sen. Charles McC. Mathias Jr. (R-Md.)

Edwin Meese III, counselor to the president, & Ursula Meese

William Middendorf, U.S. ambassador to the OAS, & Isabelle Middendorf

Ann Miller, dancer & actress, & Harry Rigby, producer

Samuel I. Newhouse, chairman, Conde Nast Publications, & Victoria Newhouse

Susan Page, Newsday

Marion & Mary Ellen Pothoven, Oskaloosa, Iowa

John & Carolyn Reid, Sacremento, Calif.

Frank Richardson, associate justice, Supreme Court of California, & Mrs. Richardson

Selwa Roosevelt, chief of protocol, & Archibald Roosevelt

R. Stockton & Cheryl Rush, Remington, Va.

Charles Ryskamp, chairman, Pierpont Morgan Library

George Shearing, pianist & composer, & Eleanor Shearing

William French Smith, attorney general, and Jean Smith

John Paul Stevens, associate justice, U.S. Supreme Court, & Mary Ann Stevens

Mr. & Mrs. Theodore E. Stivers Jr., Atlanta, Ga.

Marvin Stone, U.S. News & World Report, & Terry Stone

Daniel J. Terra, ambassador-at-large for cultural affairs

Joan Tobin, goddaughter of Queen Juliana, & Maurice Tobin

Dr. Gloria Toote, New York City

Brian Q. Torff, bassist with George Shearing

Jay van Andel, national chairman, Netherlands-American Bicentennial Committee, & chairman, Amway Corp., & Betty Jean van Andel

Guy Vander Jagt (R-Mich.) & Carol Vander Jagt

Mr. & Mrs. Frank van der Linden, Bethesda, Md.

Dirk van Dongen, president, National Association of Wholesaler Distributors, & Maryann van Dongen

Mrs. Robert D. van Roijen, Washington, D.C.

Dr. William Walsh, director, Project Hope, & Helen Walsh

Willard C. Wichers, president, Netherlands Museum, Holland, Mich., & Nell Wichers

Charles Z. Wick, director, International Communications Agency, & Mary Jane Wick

Ronald Winston, New York City

Jack Wrather, president, Wrather Corp., & Bonita Wrather

Clymer Wright Jr. & Sandra Wright, Houston, Tex