"Six Pack" is a stock stock-car movie, starring good ol' boy Kenny Rogers as racer Brewster Baker, who's hot-lapping his way back on the fast track again.
Besides Rogers, who's doing no singing this time 'round, "Six Pack" gives you car crashes, country licks, cussin', kids -- six thieving orphans, aged seven to 16 -- and your crooked Southern sheriff, who has the kids into dealing stolen auto parts.
It's got just about everything they got on "Dukes of Hazzard." Girls in tight jeans with spike-heeled boots and hitches in their getalongs. Dukin' in Dixieland dives. But since "Dukes" is into the summer reruns and so is "Eight Is Enough," this "Six" is plenty. Well, shoot, if it's your kind of movie, it's your kind of movie.
Now here's the gist of it. First, everybody calls everybody "bowah" or "hun." Second, there's a lot of saying of the word "s---" by one of the young 'uns -- a stinker and a genius of a mechanic named Swifty (Robert Still), who with his four brothers and sister Breezy (Diane Lane), become Brewster Baker's pit crew.
Brew's down and out when he catches up with the kids, who've just stripped his stock car for parts. To save them from the sheriff, he takes them along to a race in Shreveport, Louisiana, his first in a long time. He's lost his nerve, having taken his Chevy into the wall. Down in Shreveport, he meets up with Lilah, his honky-tonk woman (Erin Gray). She puts her head upon his pillow and the ladies in the audience go "Awww."
There's a cameo appearance by the former host of "Wheel of Fortune," Chuck Woolery, who plays a sports announcer at the Atlanta 500, where Baker and his Six Pack eventually rev up. But they do have a time of it getting there. The kids call Baker a ''fungus- faced toadsucker" and steal his van, so there's some hitchhiking with a sobbing banjo. Brewster gets a ride with a woman in a pickup, the ever-popular hound dog in the back. Stop-action of Kenny laughing and licking the dog.
Then Kenny catches the kids and they all encounter the villain Terk, a swarthy sort the folks don't cotton to -- a maniacal mechanic turned driver. The kids screw up his stock car and then it's grudge racing from Biloxi to Nashville, from Memphis to St. Joe. Here, Breezy gets tired of keeping her baby brothers in line and reveals she wants to settle down and become a cheerleader.
There are lots of shots of the freeway as they drive from track to track. There are lots of shots of Baker going round and round. Sunday! Sunday! Sunday! Finally, after hemming and hawing all film long, Baker takes a liking to the kids and decides he loves them. He loves Lilah, too. They all live happily ever after.
It ain't worth gettin' petty over, but don't that sound an awful lot like ''Smokey and the Bandit" meets the "Bad News Bears"? SIX PACK -- At the Jenifer Cinema, NTI Dale
Cinema, NTI Jefferson, NTI Laurel Cinema, NTI
Marlow, NTI Riverdale Plaza, NTI Springfield
Cinema, NTI Tysons Center, Roth's Seven Locks, Wheaton Plaza.