There is more to arms and the man than Virgil even guessed. Genetic researchers (God knows who and God knows where) are said to have discovered a correlation between forearm length and compatibility in marriage.

Get out your yardstick. Measure from the elbow. Then measure the forearm of any woman you are thinking of marrying. If your forearm is greatly longer than hers, forget it. You will be miserable.

If, on the other hand, boy and girl have forearms of equal length (no matter what length) why, phone the preacher and get the show on the road.

Why is this so? Why is there a correlation between marital bliss and equality of forearm? Assuming there is, which any sane man will doubt.

Well, we all know that very long forearms are features of apes, and many men have long forearms. The trouble probably arises when they do not choose an apess.

There is also, today, the Equality of Grope movement to be reckoned with. Why should a man have an advantage in reaching for things, such as the macaroni casserole? Many believe that little girls grow up envying male forearms, and that in our culture they are made to feel inferior, with the result that resentment so smolders during the pubertal years that a girl, who soon turns into a woman on the kitten-cat model, is unable to accept this in marriage.

Many men, on the other hand, who have shorter-than-average forearms (and blush to tell the shirt salesman they want a 32 sleeve and he says, "No, you probably take a 36," and you blush further and say, "No, a 32 please," and he says, "Gee, I don't think we got any that short") are acutely aware of it. For in our culture it does a man no good to have fairly remarkable thighs and calves if his arms are short, and such a man may question whether a happy marriage is sufficient recompense for having to deal with incredulous shirt salesmen who say 32 cannot possibly be right.

Besides, what is this happiness-in-marriage bull, anyway.