Oink. Oink. "Porky's II: The Next Day" is just swill. But the millions who pigged out on "Porky's" will go hog-wild for No. 2: It's packed with the same old sub-teen smut and subliterate sanctimony. Sex is all talk and dropped britches and one so-so hootchy-kootchy queen's flabby fling.
At the same time, it's sexist and sexless, acted by hams and written by bores. Director Bob Clark, who co-penned both, puts his cast of aging Angel Beach adolescents up against the Klan and fanatic Rev. Bubba Flavia of the Flock (so named to pave the way for the line "Get the flock out of here"). Flavia and the KKK try to stop the kids from putting on "An Evening of Shakespeare" because it's "pelican snot" and because a Seminole Romeo kisses a white Juliet. Clark tries symbolism: Bards the foul, so to speak.
Meanwhile the beach boys -- Dan Monahan, Wyatt Knight, Mark Herrier, Roger Wilson, Cyril O'Reilly -- put a snake in the toilet under Miss Balbricker and leave Pee Wee naked in a graveyard. Finally, in a racially skewed resolution, the boys have their smart Jewish buddy shave the heads of the Klan with a brisknife usually reserved for removing foreskins.
"Porky's II"-- it's a sty in your eye. PORKY'S II: THE NEXT DAY -- At area theaters.