Some memorable opening lines from California comedy writer Gene Perret:

* When Abraham Lincoln was debating another politician who kept calling Lincoln a "two-faced deceitful politician," Lincoln's opening retort: "Ladies and gentlemen, I ask you, if I were two-faced would I be wearing this one?"

* From Phyllis Diller, who once had to speak before an audience while she was in a body cast: "I want to explain this cast and make a public service announcement. If there are any people in the audience who've just bought the book 'Joy of Sex,' there's a misprint on page 271: 'You'll break your arm, but it's worth it.' "

* From Bob Hope, on a day that the U.S. had an unsuccessful spaceship launching. "I guess you've heard the good news from Cape Canaveral, the United States just launched another submarine."

"The best way to puncture egos, and penetrate closed minds is through the use of humor," claims Philadelphia "Funny Feminist" Suzy Sutton, winner of the Certified Speaking Professional (CSP) award from the National Speakers Association and the only woman featured in Toastmasters' new cassette album, "Humor, Speaking and You."

"I think women have a greater capacity for humor than they admit," says Sutton. "From the time we are born we've had to develop a feeling for the ridiculous in order to survive.

"I think it's incumbent upon us to help people expand their awareness. Humor is the one nonthreatening way in which we can do this."